What You Resist Persists – How To Let Go in “That” Situation

Hello Wonderful People!!…I know, I know… it’s been a while since I’ve posted… but felt the need to share this one nugget that has been really resonating with me here lately.

What you resist persists….

You know that one, particular situation in your life right now —

  • The “issue” in your current relationship…
  • What happened recently with your child(ren) or on the job…
  • Still struggling trying to find your way – your purpose
  • Your ministry or business struggles
  • The current events of tragedy, trauma and suffering that you may be going thru right now…
  • The loneliness of being without a partner when you have been used to the married life…
  • Single and still waiting for the Right One to appear…
  • Just ending a relationship, still thinking of him/her and secretly keeping an eye on his/her Instagram and Facebook pages…
  • Feeling guilty for reconnecting back with him/her and getting intimate  again just to be left hanging and not returning your calls, texts, acting weird, pulling away, etc.

And the list goes on…

 

No matter where you are right now, as long as you keep fixating on the situation – attempting to figure it out, force it, manipulate or control it, it will remain the same.  If you have your heart set on a certain, particular outcome on that situation and it appears that it is going the opposite direction, as long as you are emotionally and mentally attached to having it manifest in your way, the situation will persist.

What you resist, persists. When we let go, we allow God to flow.  Whenever we attach to a certain outcome and attempt to force our desires in a situation we do the following:

  • Invite a Spirit of Fear & Desperation
  • Invite the Spirit of Impatience & Haste
  • Repel Faith & Grace
  • Get into works of the flesh, pride & ego
  • Attempt to force an outcome according to preconceived notion/fantasy/little movie in our mind.
  • Create a bigger problem & bigger delay
  • Breeds rigidity to a certain way and blocks other creative solutions
  • Breeds insecurity.

Remember, every time fear and panic step in, faith and wisdom step out! This is a huge indicator and a red flag that you have gone too far in your thinking and emotions. When we fall back, chill and trust this creates the space for grace and for God to flow into the situation. When we get into force, figuring, and fixating we dam up the path with our own working and negativity.

When we trust God we are saying, “God, either way this situation goes I know that it is working together for my good according to Romans 8:28.”  Stand on that and believe it TODAY. I encourage you to FALL BACK (do not text him, do not be all worked up, do not run it your mind 85 times), CHILL & TRUST!

Prayer For You

(especially if you are in a tough situation — relationship or otherwise):

Lord, I release my rigidity.  Letting go allows you to flow in my situation.  I understand that by being resistant and fixating on (that person, situation or issue), I will keep the situation with me.   Today I intentionally chose to let go, chill & trust the process. Amen.

TALK2TONIKA CLARITY SESSIONS

Are You….

  • Seeking clarity in your relationship situation?
  • In pain, chaos & confusion?
  • Ready to end it but don’t know how?
  • Feeling in limbo, stuck and unclear in your life overall?

For a limited time, I’m opening up my calendar for 25 minute complimentary clarity coaching sessions for those who are very serious about moving forward in life and in their relationships.  If you are interested in having a complimentary session with me, click HERE to schedule your Talk2Tonika session today!

UPCOMING EVENTS

 

For those of you in the local Raleigh/Durham North Carolina USA area, join me on Sept 16th for the Faith Walkers Live Conference where I will be a facilitator.  The time has 6:30 am for those who want to actually exercise and go on a Faith Walk Duke University before the conference.  However, it is not mandatory, so don’t let that scare you!   Click here to register

Also, don’t forget – I will be in Charlotte, NC as a facilitator for the Heart & Sole Conference / Running on a Broken Heel on October 13-14 and I’d love to see you there. Click here to register!

STAY CONNECTED

 

Download the Periscope app on Google Play or Apple and follow me on Periscope @GetRealBeHealed to catch my live broadcast videos.  I share tons of information on emotional healing and relationships!!!

In Him

 

Tonika

 

Advertisements

Issues of the Heart Pt. 2: Heart Expansion, Elevation & Establishment

(The 3 stages of Purpose & Love)

In my last blog post, we talked about why our hearts needed to expanded and enlarged for God’s love to flow through, for His purposes and plans for our lives to manifest and for us to be fruitful while we are on this earth.  Without an expanded heart, we will not have the depth or capacity to maintain and sustain Kingdom love (relationships/marriage) and walk in our purpose the way God originally intended.  Go check out it here.

Today, let’s talk about the next stages of heart development — Elevation.

Every layer of healing brings a new level of elevation. When you learn the lesson, you elevate.

 

To elevate or elevation: raise or lift (something) up to a higher position; to raise to a more important or impressive level; promote; upgrade; advance; enhance; to increase the level or amount of.

As we learned in the previous post, the process of heart expansion is literally the process of healing, purging and delivering the heart. Once the heart is walking in greater degrees of healing and wholeness, the next stage is elevation.  With every breakthrough, with every fresh freedom that comes from the removal of a bondage, there is a lightness and an elevation within the heart.

Hearts are meant to be light and free from bondage, sin, deception, darkness, bitterness, grief and sorrow.  We are created to live as beings full of love and light. Anytime there is damage, unprocessed pain, bondage and darkness within the heart, it is burdened.  When deep healing and purging occurs, there is more space for love.  There is more space for grace.  There is more space for the power of God to flow through. The burden is removed and there is lightness. Just like a hot air balloon tethered to the ground with weights, so does sin and pain burden down the heart.  When the weight is purged from the heart, it expands just like the balloon rises to the sky when the weight is removed.

Taking this a step further, when we learn the lessons that the sin, pain, brokenness, struggle or issue taught us and are able to walk with away from it with wisdom, we have now moved into the next stage of elevation.

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. – Prov. 2:10

 

Lessons learned equate to wisdom won.  Wisdom won equates to PURPOSE.  Wisdom gleaned through the process of expanding and elevating the heart is a special wisdom that God intends to use for His greater purpose and to work out for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

When we have been healed and set free from the inside out, we must acknowledge that we have been given a great gift.  To whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48).  We cannot receive the gift of heart expansion along with the related blessings and then fail to reciprocate or give back.

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. – John 7:38

 

The way we give back is by elevating into our purpose – our calling.  When we have believed, received, and learned the lessons our soul needed, then comes the rivers of living waters that can help other people.  Rivers of living water can only flow from an expanded and elevated heart. We elevate our hearts when we give up the false pride of saying “I can’t do it”, and humbly walk out the gifts, talents, dreams and calling that we have been assigned based on the lessons learned and our gifts.

To be truly walking in a degree of elevation, requires that we answer the call of purpose.  When we begin to move out in the gifts, callings, talents and dreams that God has placed into us, we have now embarked on our life’s calling – the reason why we were put on this earth in the first place.  Oftentimes, the things we have suffered from and survived are the very things that hold the key to living a life of profound significance and meaning.

Many are called, but few are chosen (Matt 22:14).

The difference between the called and the chosen is that the chosen Chose to Answer. – Marshawn Evans Daniels

 

The choice to answer the call to purpose is the foundation of heart elevation.  Your heart absolutely must come up higher if you expect to serve Him in any capacity.  Not in a proud, haughty way, but in the ways and purposes of God. Your heart must come up higher in thoughts, intents and motives.  Our hearts must operate from the motivation and intention of God’s will as it is expressed in surrendered life.  We don’t like the word surrender, but it is a soul level surrender and humility to say yes to purpose and yes to the call.  It is pride and arrogance to run and hide.

I’ve heard it said that we want the crown without the cross.  We want the outward accolades, validation, fame, success, money that comes from outward elevation, but we don’t want the responsibility and the weight to show up that elevation calls for.  Elevation is a matter of the heart.  Before there is an outward elevation, there is always an inner elevation first.  The elevation of thoughts to God’s thoughts and ways must occur (for His thoughts and ways are higher (Isaiah 55:8).  The elevation of our speech, our prayers, and how we show up and conduct ourselves has to be in place.  Once these things start to occur,  the outward manifestation of an inner elevation will soon manifest.

When God sees that we can be trusted with the call, without being in a state of pride, then He is The One who orchestrates the outward elevation also known as promotion.

For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another. – Psalm 75: 6-7.

 

Outward promotion without inner elevation always results in disaster.  When a heart is still tiny and small due to unhealed wounds and unprocessed pain, if premature outward elevation occurs, the end result is usually destruction and delay.  The heart expansion and heart elevation must happen first on the inside so that we are rooted, grounded fixed and founded in the love of God.  This keeps us from being prone to seeking validation and approval from other people.  Seeking external validation and approval is always a sign of heart insecurity which must be healed.

I encourage you today to not sit on your healing process.  When you have allowed God to expand your heart by going thru the healing process, don’t simply stop there and refuse to move forward in your purpose.  Take the next step and begin to elevate into purpose. Elevate to the high calling of God that you were born for.  Let not the pain of the past or other people’s opinions keep you stuck.  As Felix Anderson states, “You had a purpose before anyone had an opinion.”

Take the high road and do not give up on the talents, gifts, dreams and lessons learned that have been refined and expanded in the fire of life.  Answer the call and elevate! Keep pressing towards the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus! Philippians 3:14

 

Until next time,

 

TB

 

Issues of the Heart Pt. 1: How God Enlarges & Expands Our Hearts for Kingdom, Purpose & Love

(Mismanaging Your Heart Can Cost You!)

We think we are ready for love but the truth be told, our hearts are not ready to handle the weight of authentic partnership.  We are not emotionally and spiritually mature to have the capacity required to sustain and maintain the level of sacrifice, understanding, compassion and forgiveness that a real relationship requires.  Love is not a mere feeling.  It is not tingly feelings, longings, desires, sexual attraction and arousal.  People say that “Love is not blind”.  Not so! Real love is very aware and full of light and knowledge.  Why? Because God is love and the last time I checked, God is not blind!  This means that love is not illogical, nonsensical, all over the place and characterized by unstable feelings and emotions.  Love is intentional, logical, wise, knowledgeable and sacrificial in nature.

To love the way God loves requires a fundamental transformation of the human heart.  In order for our hearts to be prepared for and ready to receive, give, retain and sustain true, authentic Kingdom Love, the Lord does three things with our hearts.  First, He enlarges our hearts.  Secondly, he elevates our hearts and thirdly, He establishes His Kingdom in our hearts.  In this post, I we will only address the expansion of our hearts and in the next post, I will address how he elevates our hearts and establishes His Kingdom in our hearts.

Enlarge: make or become bigger or more extensive; to make larger, increase in extent, bulk, to increase the capacity or expand the scope of; extend, grow, expand, amplify, augment, magnify, build up, supplement

Scriptures:

Psalm 119:32 – I shall run the way of Your commandments, For You will enlarge my heart.

Various translations of the above scripture, indicate that an enlarged heart is a willing, understanding and free heart.  It is heart set free, renewed and inclined towards God, the things of God and serving Him.  A heart like this is willing to obey God and has the capacity to function and flow in love and be very fruitful.  A heart like this is large, has depth, scope, capacity to fully receive from God and others as well as give.  A heart like this is fruitful and productive. The issues of life that flow from a heart like this always lead to righteousness, peace and joy. A heart like this can handle a bigger flow of anointing, power and grace to do mighty things.  A heart like this mirrors the heart of God — the heart of Christ.

To better understand what it means for God to enlarge our hearts, we must first understand what it means when the heart is small.

A small heart is the condition of the human heart when it is broken.  I would also say that a heart like this lacks the saving grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, but I would be wrong.  Why? Because there are a lot of people who have experienced the grace of God and are believers, yet their hearts remain small and hard.  Heart enlargement is a choice and a process.  A person must be willing to go through and grow through the enlargement process.

A small heart is hard and diminished because of the effect of sin such as pride, unforgiveness, bitterness, fear, insecurity, jealousy, anger, numbness, strife, grief, unrighteousness and so on.  If my heart is small and diminished, then very little love, grace, and power can flow through.  The Kingdom of God cannot be established in a tiny, small and hardened heart!  A heart like this can have a small amount of it, but because the heart is not enlarged enough due to unresolved pain, sin and issues crowding it up, it cannot receive.  A person with a heart like this cannot handle the weight of the full mantle of God’s original intent and purpose for their lives.  A heart like this is more likely to attract unhealthy, toxic or dead-end relationships and repel healthy relationships.  A heart like this is predisposed to deception and becoming further entangled and ensnared by sin.

Hearts become hard and small when we “mismanage moments” (a term I learned from Dr. Matthew Stevenson) over a long period of time that it becomes a mentality or a stronghold.  Mismanaged moments occur when we fail to develop self-awareness, check in with God and allow our hearts to go unchecked for extended periods of time by staying busy and overwhelmed.  In times like these, it is very easy to live in a state of distraction and heart mismanagement where we are totally unaware and unconscious of what is going on in the inside.  When this occurs we,

  1. Allow hurts & offences to fester
  2. Being easily offended & sensitive when under stress
  3. Numb/Run/Check Out (TV, social media, busyness, recreation, work, drugs, sex, etc.)
  4. Fail to discipline our thoughts. (where mind goes, mouth & body follows)

Every mismanaged moment builds up over time and leads to a mismanaged heart that is shrinking and diminishing instead of growing and expanding.

So how does God work in our lives to enlarge our hearts?  Heart enlargement involves the process of preparing our heart for more of God’s love so that we can be prepared to not only have healthy relationships but to fulfill His call, His plan and His purposes in the earth.  Heart issues must be exposed, purged and the heart healed in order for expansion to occur.  When these issues are exposed and worked thru, by healing, deliverance, prayer, confession, counseling then the heart becomes enlarged.   The debris and scars and dead tissue has bene removed making space for grace and space for God’s love.

Heart enlargement or expansion is NECESSARY, why?

  • For you to flow in purpose and flow in love. GOD IS LOVE.
  • For you to be fruitful & multiply (Gen 1:28), be fruit that remains (John 15:16) and occupy until He comes (Luke 19:13).
  • To be like Him – John 3:16 for God so loved that He gave. To have a big, large heart like His.
  • To love others that you are called to serve and be in relationship with — marriage, family, friends and connected to. (we want to be married but our hearts are small and full of junk that would run a potential partner away or we would attract another person with a similar heart situation)
  • To receive greater degrees of insight, wisdom & understanding necessary for life and for kingdom advancement. Wise hearts are expanded hearts.
    • The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction. Prov. 16:21
    • Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12

If you really want to be ready for love, then you must be willing to go thru the process of heart expansion!  If you want a fruitful life that is one of significance to the Kingdom of God – a life of purpose then you must submit to the process of heart expansion. It’s not always pretty and can be painful.  But very necessary and produces fruit.

Two Ways God Uses to expand your heart for Love and for Your Purpose

The process of heart expansion is also the process of sanctification, healing and deliverance.  Our hearts are daily expanded every time we are intentional to:

  • Grow from Spiritual disciplines – prayer, Bible study, fasting, being in fellowship with other believers.
  • Grow from Tests and temptations, people, situations and circumstances that God allows for you to see what is in your heart. The only way to grow through these things is to be intentional to collect the wisdom and lesson in each experience.  Without reflection and self-awareness of what is going on inside, the same patterns, problems and cycles will keep showing up.

So, when you pray for love, for marriage, for the call, for your dream — EXPECT to be EXPANDED!!!!  Don’t run from the process!

Failure to submit to the process of expanding your heart will cause you to:

  • Greatly diminish or sometimes forfeit and not even walk in your purpose.
  • Miss out on opportunities because of unprocessed pain and heart issues.
  • Miss out on real love by self-sabotaging or staying in dead-end relationships because an unhealthy heart will always attract another unhealthy heart.
  • Spiritual death

Take your heart management very seriously. Don’t go long periods without checking in with self and God on the condition of heart.  It’s very easy to ignore, dumb, numb, pretend, over spiritualize without really being honest with what is going on inside. We must tend to our hearts daily by asking God to create in us clean hearts and renew a right spirit (Ps 51:10) knowing that God doesn’t look at our outside, but the inside – our motives, intents, thoughts, purposes. When we do this, we are well underway in our process of heart expansion and will see positive changes, freedom and healing over time.  Don’t give up.  Keep moving forward!  Stay tuned for Elevation and Establishment next.

TB