The See Me-Hear Me-Notice Me-Love Me Syndrome
There are many causes why relationships fail. In doing a post mortem on a relationship after it is over, we usually see a variety of issues, tell-tale signs, markers, red flags and clues that it was doomed from the beginning but we tend to ignore those because we have gotten emotionally or sexually attached. We move on to the next relationship and yet again, it turns out to be a dead-end. The question of the day then becomes WHY? What is the bottom line, root cause of a dead-end relationship?
From my perspective and personal experience it is what I call the See Me! Hear Me! Notice Me! LOVE ME! Syndrome. This syndrome is a cry of the soul, a cry of the heart for completeness and validation. Has See Me! Hear Me! Notice Me! Love Me been the cry of your heart for a long time? Why is that time after time again you feel inadequate, let down and disappointed in your love relationships? It appears that no one really “sees” you on the inside. No one really hears your cry and you question the love and the motives of those around you.
The See Me! Hear Me! Notice Me! Love Me! heart cry becomes more intense if you are in a relationship and you feel that your partner does not really see you, hear you or notice you. Nothing can be more unbearably painful than the feeling of not being truly known and understood for who you are – the good, the bad, the ugly, and imperfections. Because of that we silently suffer. In silence, when no one is around, our heart screams “See Me-Hear Me- Notice Me – Love ME!
What is the root cause of this unsatisfied heart cry? What happens when we try to answer that heart cry by seeking it in a romantic relationship instead of going to God, the Creator of Hearts? Chaos, Calamity and Destruction! If we don’t take the time to dig deep and seek God first with our hearts, we will always try to seek another human to answer that cry and we will attract Dead-End and Toxic Relationships into our lives.
The root cause of the See Me! Hear Me! Notice Me! LOVE ME! Syndrome is a lack of completeness and wholeness in Christ. Christ is the Creator of your heart and the only one who knows, and understands your heart completely. There is no other human being on the planet who can bring redemption, restoration and healing of your heart other than Christ. This an inside job where you must allow Christ to bring completeness in every area of your life from the inside out. This is the sum total of completeness.
Paul wrote in Colossians 2:10 that we are complete in Christ. Completeness is another word for wholeness. You cannot be whole and yet be incomplete. You cannot be complete, yet lack wholeness. We receive this completeness and wholeness when we receive and accept Christ. Incompleteness manifests itself when we find ourselves continually operating at an emotional and spiritual deficit. Operating from a place of insecurity and incompleteness we will always and forever look outside of ourselves to be seen, noticed, heard, validated and loved from the outside instead of going within where Christ resides.
Even if we believe in Christ, we are at our most vulnerable when we have just endured some type of loss, grief, or hardship. It is during these times that we question our value. We feel the need to be pumped up from other people in order to feel complete. We need to be fortified and strengthened from outside of ourselves because we lack the fortitude that comes from Christ within.
If we do not take the time to seek Christ for completeness and validation, we will find ourselves stuck in the See Me! Hear Me! Notice Me LOVE ME! Cycle of going from one dead-end relationship to another dead-end relationship and never fully walking in true completeness and wholeness.
If you are sick and tired of attracting dead-end relationships into your life, then you must closely examine yourself to see if you have fallen into the See Me! Hear Me! Notice Me! LOVE ME! Cycle. Are you doing things to be seen, loved and noticed? Are you busting your boundaries and compromising yourself just to be loved, to get praise, pats on the back, likes, shares, and retweets? Are you doing things that are not right just for the approval, favor, attention, to spend time, money, sex, or just to feel loved? You deserve so much more than living like that! The fact that you are a fearfully and wonderfully made child of God is enough validation by itself! No longer seek validation from others and refrain from searching outside of yourself when all that you need resides within. You already have all you need to be whole, healed and free. Embrace it and accept it as your truth. Begin the process of breaking free from the See Me! Hear Me Notice Me LOVE Me Syndrome today!
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