You’ve met someone new. There is an instant connection. The butterflies. The long talks. The texting. The next thing you know, you have a full blown romance underway! It’s been so long since you’ve felt this way. You have gone through a lot. You have survived major heartbreak before and believe that you are finally healed from the past and now God has saw fit to bring this wonderful new person into your life! It couldn’t get any better than this!
Time goes on and the relationship continues to develop and from your perspective it’s time to take it to the next level. But alas, your wonderful new boo is moving rather slow. So you wait patiently and continue to pray and be the best person you know how to be. As a matter of fact, you believe that this person really is “The One” and it is just simply a matter of time before things start falling into place.
But, time continues to march on and many months later you now feel a sense of urgency. This person has not made any moves towards taking the relationship to the next level. People are beginning to ask questions like – When are you two going to get married? How come we never see you together a lot? What’s going on with you guys? Has he popped the question? What are you all doing?
So you begin to wonder what the hold-up is with your beloved. You have broached the topic and it seems to stall out, go nowhere, end in disagreement, etc. What is going on? What happened to all of the sweet talk of marriage, building a family, going to church together, living life together and now nothing??
Instead of pulling back and taking a hard look at your situation, you instead decide to barge full steam ahead to PROVE and to SHOW that you are “The One” he should marry. You begin to read up and study on marriage. Nothing wrong with that you reason, since as a godly single it is very wise to study up on marriage and in order to know how to be a godly spouse. But you, however, take it a step further by beginning to ACT LIKE a wife when you are not! You want to be validated and seen as “wifey material”. You want your beloved to see you as a helpmeet so that he would go ahead and pop the question. You begin to do things for him that ONLY a wife should do. You compromise your values, shift your boundaries and in general begin to bend over backwards to PROVE that you are The One.
The problem with this is approach is twofold. First of all, let’s state the obvious. If you have the mentality that you must PROVE that you are The One, then obviously you are not. This is a painful realization – I know because I have been there, done that and got ALL the T-shirts! The One God really has for you will not need for you to prove anything. He will already know the caliber of woman that you are and will value you. He will not waste your time in a dead-end relationship that is not going anywhere.
Secondly, if you feel the need to prove yourself as a helpmeet, wife, or “The One”, then we are now back to square one — the need for validation and completeness in Christ. If you are still looking for marriage as a source of validation and completeness, then you are still broken and in need of healing. Operating from a place of brokenness will cause you to settle for less and feel like you need to jump through hoops to show that you are a “Good Thing”. It will cause you to pray, hope, cry, over-give, and act like a wife to prove how much you care and what a good wife you will be. Instead of entering the relationship from a place of completeness and fullness of life, you are too busy trying to prove yourself instead of simply being who you are. Instead of pulling back, and assessing whether or not this relationship is really God’s best for you, you dig in deeper to prove that you are worthy.
The need for validation as worthy wife material in order to feel complete as a woman comes into play when our biological clocks start ticking. Sometimes that biological clock is ticking like a bomb so loud that it is the only thing we can hear! Oftentimes, we do not feel complete as a woman when we are lonely and desire companionship. We become agitated and lose our peace that Jesus died for us to have. Functioning from a position of quiet desperation and anxiety will actually repel the man that God has for you. The man God has for you will show up and identify you as “The One” or his “Good Thing” when you exhibit the poise and grace that comes from being complete and whole in Christ.
Being broken and incomplete as a woman will cause you to overstay your welcome in an expired (think DEAD-END) relationship because you are still trying to prove that you are “The One” he should marry. The fact that you are a fearfully and wonderfully made child of God is enough validation by itself! No longer seek validation from being married when all that you need resides within. You already have all you need to be whole, healed and free. Embrace it and accept it as your truth. You need no further validation from anyone!
QUESTION: Can you identify instances, relationships, issues or things which you have reached out to for completeness or validation of who you are as an individual? What was the result? Let me hear from you!!
For more information on breaking free from dead-end relationships and walking in completeness order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On today at amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to www.tonikabreeden.com.