The holiday season can be a season of mixed feelings especially if you are single, or if you just broke up with someone or if you are currently struggling in a relationship that has been headed south for a while. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the ups and downs of this season, especially in the arena of relationships. The first thing I want to touch on is the fact that sometimes because it’s the holidays we don’t want to break up with someone when we know full well that the relationship is bad and is not good for us.
When you are in a bad, dead-end or toxic relationship your anxiety level will typically increase as the holiday season approaches —- this is your first clue that the relationship is not healthy for you. If it was a healthy and wholesome relationship the holidays should increase and add to the sense of well-being and overall joy of the season, not make you feel worse.
It is self-defeating behavior to continue to sit in the situation knowing you are miserable or anxious because of expectations, the spirit of the season, to keep up appearance or to “front” in front of others.
Speaking directly from my own experience from which my book – Get Out of that Dead End Relationship NOW! I ended this a toxic relationship the week after Thanksgiving actually right around Dec 2 or 3rd. The relationship I was involved in at the time was already on its last legs. I was simply hanging on by a string. By the time I got to Thanksgiving, I had so many warning flags and checks in my spirit about the situation that I simply did not have peace. It was a very unnerving, weird and emotionally tense time where I just had the uneasy sensation something was very wrong that I could not shake or try to deny.
KEY # 1 Trust that feeling on the inside when you know something is OFF!!!!! Some call it intuition, I call it the Holy Spirit – don’t try to suppress it, rationalize it, deny it, shake it off and focus on the Christmas tree. Don’t try to fake it till you make it! Don’t ignore it! It will pop up again and NOT go away or you will carry that underlying anxiety with you all the time. NOT worth your peace!!!
Because I had already done quite a bit of soul searching, struggling and surrendering, I had already gotten to a point where I knew I was ready to end it but just didn’t know quite how or when to do it. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back was when I received a loving, truthful phone call from my sister in which she shared and confirmed everything that I was feeling right in my heart at the precise moment of her call!! God is so good, he ALWAYS lets you know if you listen!
Her call was the confirmation, the kick, the jump start that I personally needed to go ahead and have the courage to call it quits. It was at this point that I did not care that it was the week after Thanksgiving. I did not care about what people would think right before Christmas. All I cared about, craved and cared for at this point was to have peace —- to finally be rid of the anxiety, the questions, the struggles, the heartache and the sorrow. The very next day, I ended the relationship. I had an almost instantaneous and immediate sense of overwhelming peace that was indescribable. For the first time in about 4 years, I actually had a peaceable holiday season. I was not lonely or sad. I was glad!
KEY #2 – When you receive that final confirmation, do not waste time. You do not need an angelic visitation. You do not need three wise men and a star. You do not need trumpet blasts and a prophetic word. Everything you need to know, you already know. It is now time for you to execute and do what you know that you need to do. Instead of focusing on the investment you made into this relationship, what people will think, the fear of the unknown or what will happen, how the other person will respond, keep your focus on obeying God and leaving the consequences to him. Leave the outcome and the consequence of ending the toxic situation to God. As long as you are obedient, He will come thru for you. Focus on the peace and the victory that you will have when you finally make a decision that is HEALTHY for you, when you finally stand up for yourself, your honor, esteem and personal wholeness instead of deliberately staying in a situation that will keep you broken. Keep you focus on that those things instead.
Isa 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you (not mind on what people will think, not the other persons reactions, not circumstances, other problems, etc.)
Col 3:2 And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth
2 Tim 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
When I ended the relationship, there was a profound sense of freedom that I did not have before. Because my mind was always weighed down and emotionally entangled in the relationship, I was not free to be me, to pursue my purpose. It was a destiny derailing distraction that had me mentally and emotionally bound for years.
KEY #3 Once you surrender the relationship, what you wanted to happen, the fantasy or the dream or the potential that you saw in this person you are now mentally and emotionally free and open to what God has for you in your destiny and in the true person that he has for you. But you must first give up the fantasy, the potential and the investment you have already made and use the past as leverage to catapult you into your destiny,
As you exit a dead-end relationship, shake the dust off the emotional and spiritual residue of the relationship off of you. You must be clean and free from the effects of the dead-end relationship before you can rightly walk into your new season, this is a process in and of itself, but it is so necessary and critical so that you will not be hindered as you move forward. If you choose to end an unhealthy relationship by the end of this year, you will want to work with God to receive clarity, healing and focus as you move forward into 2016. Do all you can to not carry the residue from the old relationship into the New Year. Please do not go rushing right into another relationship because you are not truly ready. Give yourself time to heal. No mindless dinner dates to kill time and waste someone else’s time when you know you are not really interested. Do the right thing and take yourself off the market for dating. Use this time to prepare your mind for 2016 and the New Year. Christ specializes in the clean-up process – seek Him first!
Philippians 3:13 (AMP) “I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 (MSG) “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new…”
For FREE audio on 3 Signs of a Toxic relationship go to my website at www.tonikabreeden.com .For more information on walking in emotional wholeness or ending dead-end relationships, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at http://www.amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to www.tonikabreeden.com