3 Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay in A Dead-End Relationship Just to “Make It Thru The Holidays”


Part 1 of 3 Part Series

“Christmas Just Ain’t Christmas Without The One You Love…” – O’Jays

“What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas…” – The Emotions

Ahhh!! Here we go again! The familiar, wonderful, emotional, nostalgic songs of Christmas started playing on the airways on Thanksgiving Day while the turkey is still sitting on the table. The sights, shopping, and the smells. The church get-togethers and programs. All kinds of shows, parties and dinners. All of these things will be quickly coming upon us for the next few weeks through New Year’s Day.

For those of us who are single or who have just ended a relationship, the holidays can become a source of pain, temptation and struggle. We must make it through Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day and finally Valentine’s Day without losing our sanity, slipping up or getting ourselves in a “complicated” situation out of being lonely during the holidays.

This blog is the first in a three-part series over the next few weeks where I will address a few of the lies that will cause us to either 1) get in or 2) stay in a dead-end relationship simply because it’s the holiday season.

Lie # 1 – The Lie That Christmas Just Ain’t Christmas Without The One You Love.

This song by the O’Jays has probably caused more shed tears that we can ever begin to count. For those of us who are Christians, we KNOW that this just ain’t so!

I need not reiterate the Christmas story here, but for the sake of making the point, we know the real meaning of Christmas. We know about the birth of Jesus Christ and what it means to us personally as redeemed children of God. For us, this means new life. It means forgiveness of sins. Because of Christ, Christmas is very much indeed still Christmas regardless of whether or not you are “boo’ed up”, in a relationship or married to The One You Love. Jesus was still born for you regardless of your relationship status and the holiday is still sacred and to be deeply enjoyed and celebrated even if you are single.

But what do you do when that song comes on the radio, and people are laughing, talking, and eating with their significant others yet here you sit alone or with your family and platonic friends? How do you handle those emotions? What do you do?

  1. Build Up Your Self-Worth / Value / Confidence & Esteem NOW!

You must begin right now —- not later to build yourself up in the Lord. You must begin right now to build your sense of value and worth in who you are as a beloved son or daughter of God before you start hearing those songs, before folks start asking questions about why you are alone or where is so-and-so, before you get in those situations where the “Ex” starts texting and he/she all of a sudden starts to look good (never mind the fact that they still have all of the same issues that caused the break-up to start with).

You must read, study, pray and meditate on the fact that your worth and value is not tied up in whether or not you have someone to be under the mistletoe with but in the fact that you are a fearfully and wonderfully made child of God! And it’s okay if you still shed a tear or feel sadness or loneliness when you hear the song, just be careful not to suspend your standards, throw caution to the wind and do something you KNOW you shouldn’t do because of fleeting, emotional, lonely feelings and memories.

2. Take Care of Yourself and Make Special Plans to Enjoy Your Life NOW!

Do things that will increase your confidence, make you feel good about yourself and enjoy life right now. Give, serve and share with others. Get the focus off of being lonely and what you don’t have. Reach and connect with people on purpose. Do not isolate yourself — that’s a recipe for disaster and depression. Take a proactive stance about having fun and finding things to be grateful for during this season. The enemy of our souls will forever remind you of what is missing in your life and if you don’t stay occupied with maintain an attitude of gratitude, you will lose your joy.

3. Guard your eyes and your ears

This is not the time to overindulge in hot and heavy romance movies on TV and read steamy novels. Another recipe for disaster! We are responsible to guard what we put before our eyes and ears since they are the gateways to our minds and hearts. Garbage in, garbage out. What you think about, you bring about! If you truly and sincerely desire to be prepared and ready for marriage to the God’s best for you, then don’t put yourself in a compromising mental and emotional state by feeding your spirit improperly during holidays.

By taking a proactive stance during the holiday season to build yourself up, take care of yourself, and guard yourself, you can avoid the common pitfalls that will inevitably come your way. Refuse to buy into the lie that “Christmas Just Ain’t Christmas Without The One You Love”. Christmas is still Christmas whether you are single or not. Simply taking healthy, empowering steps now can save you from getting into some complicated, messy situation dead-end relationship just because you are trying to “make it thru the holidays!”

**Follow me next week as I discuss Lie #2….

For more information on breaking free from dead-end relationships and walking in completeness, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at http://www.amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to www.tonikabreeden.com.


4 thoughts on “3 Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay in A Dead-End Relationship Just to “Make It Thru The Holidays”

  1. Pingback: Tonika Breeden – 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay in A Dead-End Relationship Just to “Make It Thru The Holidays”

  2. Learning to value and take care of ourselves is essential and might just be the greatest gift we can give at Christmas. I enjoyed your post…insightful!


  3. Pingback: Tonika Breeden - 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay in A Dead-End Relationship Just to “Make It Thru The Holidays”

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