(photo credit: David Mixner)
There is something in the air. It is not tangible, but it is there nonetheless. It is that certain feeling of being in The Holiday Season. The smells, the sights and the songs. The decorations and the delight. All of these things play together and interweave with one another to produce a certain ambiance or atmosphere in our homes, our jobs, and our churches — everywhere you go that only comes around during The Holiday Season.
Because of this certain ambiance, spirit or as some may say “magic” of the season, we tend to get caught up. Our emotions get going. All of the desires for warmth and companionship get magnified and amplified during this season because of the commercials, social media and society overall. This “Magic of the Season” phenomena creates the perfect atmosphere for another lie that many will believe in order to justify staying in or get involved in another dead-end relationship.
Lie # 2 – The Lie that the Magic of the Season and the Spirit of The Holidays Will Cause The Person To Change and/or The Relationship to Get Better, Or that He/She “Will Do” Just For the Holidays.
Contrary to popular belief (I hate to burst bubbles here) but there is no magic or spirit of the holidays that can cause a person to change. Special holiday magic does not instantly transform a person who you would not normally consider as a potential partner to all of a sudden now become a suitable companion to “kick it” with. A person is who they are no matter how fine, sexy, godly, funny, wealthy, suitable and easygoing they are on the surface. They are not going to change for you just because of Christmas trees, decorations, music, loving feelings and the spirit of joy that permeates the air because it’s the holidays.
Physical growth, i.e., growing up and maturing physically happens to all human beings beginning from birth as long as they get food, clothing, shelter and adequate care. Emotional, mental, spiritual and psychological growth and change is a CHOICE. A person must choose to change on their own independent of any outside forces (although they will have influence). A person must choose to grow and become emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy in order to have a healthy and wholesome relationship with them.
No amount of holiday spirit or magic will cause a person who is unfaithful, abusive, dishonest or manipulative to spontaneously combust into the opposite just because “It’s the Holidays.”
In order to dispel this myth, there are a few key truths to embrace so that you do not fall sway under the magic of the holidays and find yourself under the mistletoe with someone you know full well is NOT “The One” for you or even worse, delay ending a relationship that you know should end right NOW simply because it’s the holidays.
- Just because you made a profound emotional and time investment doesn’t mean you continue to stay involved just because of the holidays.
Often, we know deep down on the inside that the relationship is very unhealthy for us. You know that you need to end it, but you keep hanging on anyhow because you have put so much in to him or her. You do not like the thought that someone else will get the benefit of all that you have poured into this person the minute you break it off. On top of that, the very thought of being alone during the holidays is simply too much to handle. It is much easier to go along and pretend that things are well and will change soon if we can just “get thru the holidays” without something going wrong. It takes an incredible amount of courage to end an unhealthy relationship, but to delay the process just because of an investment and because of the season only serves to intensify the pain.
Why keep making an investment into a relationship that is depleting you instead of increasing you? Why not take that same emotional energy and direct it towards investing into your own personal growth and wholeness during the holiday season instead of spending that same energy trying to maintain a façade simply because of the holiday season?
- Let go of the Fantasy
A person has to use his or her own free will to change. God created all of us this way. If God does not override our free will choice to receive salvation, what makes us think that we can override our significant other’s free will choice to get change for the better? We want to live out that image in our heads of what this relationship could potentially become during the holidays. Or we want a temporary fix – someone to be with during the holidays because we think our value and worth is tied up in whether or not we have a boo at Christmas time. We want to live out our vision holiday romance as shown on TV and Facebook.
The problem with this is again it goes back to self-deception. You absolutely cannot afford to live in potential for an indefinite period of time without reality soon catching up. The tension between what could be (potential) and what really is (reality) is what creates the turmoil, the confusion and the angst. It is what causes the pain and suffering. It is the ultimate pre-cursor to being in a dead-end relationship situation. The pain of this is further exacerbated by the fantasies and imaginations that we have because we really want our reality to line up with the fantasy that we have built up in our heads – especially during the holiday season.
Embracing these simple truths – 1) holiday magic does not change people, their personal choices do, 2) being willing to invest in yourself instead of a failing relationship and 3) letting go of the fantasy will help you avoid dead-end relationships as you navigate the magic of the holiday season!
For more information on breaking free from dead-end relationships and walking in completeness, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at http://www.amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to www.tonikabreeden.com.