Lie # 3 – Because It’s The Holidays It’s Ok to Allow Him or Her To______”


Don’t say it!!! Don’t fill in that blank!

Because of goodwill, fuzzy feelings and good ‘ole sexual attraction and come on now — it’s the holidays after all… somehow we think it is okay to:

  • Suspend our standards
  • Accept mistreatment and disrespect
  • Leave our brains at home
  • Grant amnesty and free passes for those who mistreated us. ( You can forgive them, but they do not have to be closely connected all up in your life again.)

With everything going on these days as we countdown to Christmas and New Year’s, it’s very easy to let things slide.   We are busy! There is so much going on! Our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds are full of events and things to do and see – it appears that everyone is full of life and happily getting prepared to have a marvelous, picture perfect holiday with their loved ones.

On top of that we still have our regular jobs and businesses, church and family obligations that do not go away just because it is the holidays. We still have to live our lives and handle our business. The sheer stress of it all can become quite overwhelming — especially if you are single, lonely and just ended a relationship or even if you are married and feeling lonely within the confines of your marriage and are tempted.

For some of the temptation is very great to let things slide in during the holidays that you wouldn’t normally allow. Things such as allowing that ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, ex-husband — all of the various “Ex’s” to circle back into your life just because:

  • You have warm fuzzy feelings for them.
  • They still look good.
  • They smell good.
  • They remind you of what you had together back in the day when things were good.
  • They say all of the things you wished they had said while you were still together.
  • You have children together and you want the kids to have that picture perfect family ideal during the holidays.
  • You are sexually attracted to him and want them.

They are called Ex for a reason. You allowed them to Exit your life. Chances are the same issues that caused the break up still remain. They do not instantly disappear because of the magic of the holiday season, Baby Jesus, mistletoe, the Temptations singing Silent Night and Christmas decorations in the window.

Examples of mistreatment: 1) all of a sudden breezing back into your life as if nothing happened and expecting you to drop your world to be with them because of a few measly text messages. 2) Not showing up or calling when said they would. 3) Overt and covert mistreatment, disrespect, dishonor, making you look bad, cheating, and the list goes on.

An old ex or former significant other who treated you poorly should not get a free pass or get granted amnesty and access to your life as if nothing happened just because it is Christmas. The standards necessary to have a healthy and wholesome relationship with you should still be in full force all year long and are not suspended because it is the Holidays.

In order to have the strength to flee unhealthy situations where you would be tempted to fall back into and subject yourself to mistreatment you must become rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the love of God. As I have been always been saying you are responsible for your own emotional and spiritual health and well-being which means you must take the time to know you and love you first before someone else can love you or you will subject to being mistreated and abused every time. Without doing this you will always be functioning at an emotional and spiritual deficit which will make you more vulnerable to foolery and mistreatment during the holiday season. Take time to mediate on these scriptures to remind you of how valuable you are in Christ:

Psalm 139:14: “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well (NKJV).”

Colossians 3:10 “And you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power (NKJV); and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority (NIV).”

Ephesians 1:6 “to the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the Beloved. (KJV)”

As you navigate the holiday season, remember who you are in Christ. Your life is too valuable to subject yourself to mistreatment, compromising your values or integrity just to feel loved and not be lonely during the holidays! Take the time to get real and be healed from the inside out so that you have the Love of God on the inside to sustain you.

For more information on breaking free from dead-end relationships and walking in completeness, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to


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