Tis The Season of the Downward Spiral. Don’t let it be you.


Tis the season to use food, overindulging, overworking (aka hustle & grind) acting out sexually, addictions, overspending, along with endless social media selfies, posting and scrolling to hide out and get relief from painful feelings and for attention seeking.  We can be spiritually and naturally gifted, professional and successful, with a great calling, walking in our purpose and still have these hidden struggles.  Don’t get caught up in this vicious cycle!  Once the quick pick me up wears off, there are now new and increased feelings of inadequacy, shame, guilt, loneliness, anxiety, restlessness and distraction.  The cure?? Do it (overindulge in something once more and you know it’s not God’s best for you) crash and burn yet again?  No!  Seek the help and support you need in this season.  Get help.  Pray.  Seek God.  Talk to someone trustworthy. #WholeSoul #GetRealBeHealed #EmotionalHealing #Holidays #Triggers #SelfEsteem #SelfWorth #LoveYouFirst #GodIsLove #Healthy #EmotionallyHealthy #Wholeness #WalkWorthy


The Dangers of Having a Hasty Spirit: 3 Ways to Avoid Operating in the Spirit of Haste



We’ve all done it. I know I have. You know — the times where you spoke too soon and immediately wished you could take it back the moment it came out of your mouth…

Or, that day when you made a critical decision when you were tired, didn’t want to be bothered, didn’t feel like talking about it, and didn’t feel like thinking too hard about it. Therefore, you said “yes“only to find out later that it was totally the wrong move.   Now, you are still paying the price from that one poor decision.

For me, it was the moments in my past when I kept overriding the little nudge from God or that sense of uneasiness that I should wait and slow down before getting myself entangled in a certain relationship. Fast forward years later, and I found myself in a miserable, dead-end situation.

Haste is defined as acting with excessive speed without insufficient consideration. It can also be defined as something said or done in a hurried or cursory fashion without due deliberation, prayerfulness or forethought.

In the Bible, we find many scriptures that speak of the danger of operating hastily in your daily affairs, here are just a few:

Proverbs 14:29b He that is of a hasty spirit exalteth folly.

Acts 19:36 (AMP) Seeing then that these things cannot be denied, you ought to be quiet (keep yourselves in check) and do nothing rashly.

Prov. 29:20 Do you see a man (or woman!) who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a [self-confident] fool than for him.

Why do we tend to act in haste? Where does this pressure, this intensity to ACT NOW come from? Why do we rush and push all of the time? There are many potential reasons why we sometimes move too quickly but I believe there are two main issues involved when we act or speak rashly without thinking: 1) Impatience (which is rooted in fear) and 2) Stress & Anxiety (from our circumstances).


One of my favorite bible teachers, Joyce Meyer, had a teaching entitled “Why God Why? And When God When?” I have asked those questions many times myself. Why is it taking so long? Why do I have to keep enduring this over and over again? God, when are you going to move in my situation?

Perhaps you too have asked these questions. We get tired of waiting on God for a particular thing to happen and when the opportunity presents itself to do something about it, we make a quick decision to go ahead and do it because we are so READY for a change. We want an immediate, right now solution to our problems and we wanted it yesterday.

The root cause of impatience is fear. We fear that time is going to run out. We fear that we will be behind everyone else. We look at everyone’s highlight reels and photos social media and wonder if our time will ever come. We fear that we have missed God and that we are doing something wrong. We fear that we must jump on every opportunity even if we have a sense of unease about it because everyone else seems to be making progress and we are not. Operating from this place and space of fear, scarcity and lack will cause us to move in haste against our better judgment.

If we really believe in what God says, i.e., if we know His promises to us personally and have a sure and steady certainty in His thoughts and goodness towards us, we will not step out prematurely in a spirit of haste. Instead, we will act prayerfully and move in the spirit of inspired action as we are led to do so, not the spirit of haste. Once we are under the unction of inspired action, we will move as quickly as we need to. Remember, His thoughts towards us are:

  1. Good, not evil, to give us an expected end (Jer. 29:11);
  2. He is not a man that he should act or tell a lie (Num. 23:19); and
  3. His word is forever settled in heaven (Ps. 118:89)

If all of the above scriptures are true, then why should we operate in spirit of impatience, haste and fear?

Stress & Anxiety

Secondly, the sheer stress of life and our daily circumstances will cause us to say and do things that we normally would not do if we were in our right minds, rested up, prayed up and in a good place physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Proper care of self is the foundation of any righteous endeavor. We are responsible to take care of ourselves so that we are not operating at a deficit. We are responsible to make sure we are filled and built up first so that we serve our purpose, our families, our jobs, etc. from a place of overflow instead of overwhelm. Taking care of ourselves increases the chance that everything else in our lives will go well. This means making the daily choice to heal our own lives and take care of ourselves FIRST before trying to fix, help, heal, and deliver other people. It also means to remember that life happens THRU us not TO us. We are responsible for this.

3 Ways to Avoid Operating in a Spirit of Haste

  1. The Devil Rushes, but God Guides! Slow Down, You’ll Get there Faster… both of these phrases I learned from Author Shannon Tanner. Always be prayerful not impulsive. Take your time and be led by God in all that you do. This requires intentionality and slowing down. Take the time to pray. When you are operating in a spirit of haste, you become a target for the enemy. The enemy of our souls always wants to push us along and keep us in our feelings and flesh so that we cannot be led by the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is gentle and calm, not all rushy and pushy. In Psalm 23: 2-3 we read “He leads me beside the still waters…He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”
  2. Obtain Wise Counsel. Seek wise counsel through scripture, trusted, wise and reliable people who have results in their lives for what you are believing for and also other books and resources that have wisdom. Your life is too precious and you are responsible to properly steward the life you have been given. We will be held accountable for how we live our lives. Because of this we are compelled to seek wise counsel to make the right decisions. In Proverbs 15:22 (AMP) it states, “Where there is no counsel, purposes are frustrated, but with many counselors they are accomplished.”
  3. HALT! Remember this acrostic — H.A.L.T. Never make any serious decisions in the spirit of haste, under stressful circumstances when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. If you are in any of these states, HALT! Don’t make serious decisions under stress or panic. Making decisions under these circumstances will inevitably create a poor outcome. Remember what Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God” and also Isaiah 30:15, “in returning and rest shall ye be saved in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”

Beloveds, we cannot afford to operate in a spirit of haste, especially in the treacherous times we are living in. Having a hasty spirit can derail our destiny and purpose. Without the ability to rule our spirit, master our emotions, obtain wise counsel and take care of ourselves, we are prone to function in a perpetual cycle of hastiness, fatigue, and poor decisions. We open ourselves up to the wiles and attacks of the enemy because the spirit of haste diminishes the effectiveness of our spiritual armor.

I encourage you today to slow down and be led by God in all that you do and not let the Spirit of Haste overtake you!

Until Next Time,



Additional Scriptures:

Proverbs 25:28 He who has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.

Proverbs 18:18 He who answers a matter before he hears the facts-it is folly and shame to him.

Proverbs 21:5 The thoughts of the [steadily] diligent tend only to plenteousness, but everyone who is impatient and hasty hastens only to want.

For FREE audio on 3 Signs of a Toxic relationship go to my website at www.tonikabreeden.com .For more information on walking in emotional wholeness or ending dead-end relationships, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at http://www.amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to www.tonikabreeden.com

Do you Want Peace or Do You Want Pain? Then Stay In Your Lane!

The Danger of Judging Someone Else’s Journey

Do You Want Peace or Do You Want Pain_Correct

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. Matthew 7: 1-2(NLT)

“Observe Life Rather than Judge It” – Shannon Yvette Tanner

Judgement. What a harsh sounding word. “Oh, I’m not a judgmental person…” Yet all of us – yes, I’m including myself, are guilty of doing it.

If I sit in judgment of you as a person, it really means that I believe I know as much as God does about you.

It means that I believe I’m so smart, so all knowing, so anointed, and so gifted that I am perfectly capable of discerning the true motives behind your words, actions, decisions and choices.

Now don’t get me wrong, as Christians, we are clearly called to speak against and call out clear wrongdoing and to judge that rightly. I’m not talking about that type of judgment.

I’m talking about the judgment that goes on when we judge someone else’s journey — -their life choices, how they implement and execute their lifestyle, their business, their ministry, and their calling. I’m talking about the comparisons, the jumping to conclusions, assuming that we know something to be true based on our limited perspective, when in fact our theory is far from the truth. I admit, I’m guilty of this.

We see something on Facebook and automatically jump to some conclusion that is erroneous. We assume things only to find out later we were wrong. We compare our lives to someone else’s lives and either think we have missed the boat because they appear to be ahead of us or we sometimes we think we are better than them.

Remember, we only see from the outside looking in, but God looks at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7)

When we sit in judgment, our very judgment mirrors a reflection back on ourselves. The extent, degree and severity we judge others with is the extent and degree that we judge ourselves. If we are very hard on others, we will also be very hard on ourselves. This is a painful way to live and blocks the peace that Christ gives.

For those of us who are called to serve others in an influential capacity, can we effectively reach and minister to people when we secretly sit in judgment of them? Can we honestly serve people if deep down we think that we are better than them? How does sitting in judgment inspire true transformative change? I don’t know about you, but I’m inspired and motivated to change and do better through love than with harsh judgement.

A subtle, but very common example of the way in which we judge is when we see someone else moving ahead and making progress — i.e., they obtain quite easily the thing that we have been working, struggling and praying for a long time and we think the thought: “God, why her/him?” This is actually JUDGING SOMEONE ELSE’S BLESSING! Who are we to judge when or how someone else gets blessed?

But haven’t we all at one point or another done this? We think we know why someone did something or that we have a “revelation” and then create theories based on feelings and not the truth. It creates unnecessary suffering. When we fail to stay in our lane, we create pain.

This also happens too when we are disconnected from our own journey – our own calling. If we simply focused on our own journey and stayed in our own lane, we would be too busy to fixate on and judge someone else’s journey. We will be making our own moves and can celebrate with them instead of judging them or asking why.

The next step close to judging is when we attempt to fix and heal someone else at the expense of our own growth. Instead of letting people live their lives and go through their own consequences so that they can learn, we try to jump in and be their Savior to fix and heal them. We try to do more fixing than God does! God doesn’t jump in to fix us. He waits for us to seek Him, ask for help and submit to Him.

When we make a judgment about someone’s journey and then try to fix them in our feeble efforts, we circumvent their growth process. We create more of a mess and a wreck by jumping in with our judging and fixing than by simply praying and allowing life to unfold. This is much easier said than done, especially when it comes to the ones we love!

Judging someone else’s journey is a manifestation of our own judgment and diminishing of ourselves. If we are really and truly walking in alignment with who we are in God and actually believing what God says about us as we grow and transform, we won’t continuously diminish and judge ourselves and others so harshly. We won’t be so prideful and anxious about other people’s journeys that we attempt to judge and fix them.

When we function out of our lane and get in God’s lane, we get lost. When we try to operate in someone else’s lane, we crash and wreck. However, when we stay in our own lane – leaving the judging, fixing, comparing behind, there is peace – Benne Brown

Remember – if you want peace over pain – stay in your lane. Stay out of judgment!

Until next time,



For more information on walking in emotional wholeness or ending dead-end relationships, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at http://www.amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to www.tonikabreeden.com.