God Is Love. Let Him Lead. – Intimate Courtship & Engagement Conversation With Dr. Rita!

God is Love.  Let Him Lead.

Let God lead your love life.  Without Him there is no true, lasting, genuine love.

And since we are now officially in February – the month of love, it is only fitting that we acknowledge the origin of Love which is God.  For those of us who genuinely desire a real relationship founded in the Love of God, we must let God lead it to start with. Which brings me to the reason of this email…

You are officially invited to join me for Intimate Coffee & Conversation Webinar on Thursday, February 22 at 9 pm EST with the newly engaged Dr. Rita Firestarter out of Colorado Springs, CO. as she shares her courtship and engagement journey as Woman of God operating in her purpose.  Come with an expectation to receive practical wisdom & strategy from a seasoned woman of faith as she navigates the transitions of blending purpose, ministry and new family dynamics.

Register TODAY at bit.ly/lethimlead

Her key word or phrase in this process has been #WhenYouLetGodPickEm.

Come hear what happened to her when she gave up her way of finding love, surrendered to God, let God lead and let God pick him.

You really don’t want to miss this webinar!

Register at bit.ly/lethimlead




Give Yourself Grace

It’s time to acknowledge the fact that you have come a long way from where you first started. Remember the days when you did not know whether you were coming or going (up one day and down the next)?  Remember when peace of mind and emotional freedom were not a part of your life?  Do you remember when that low-level anxiety was always running in the background of your mind? Do you remember all of the internal pain of needing validation from having a relationship or from other people in general?  Do you remember the days when you needed the outside props from men, your job, compliments, designer clothes, and the overall “need to be seen” in order to feel good about yourself?

At some point along the way, you made a huge, significant shift — a giant leap of faith where you actually laid hold of and grasped the promises of God for your very life, your sanity and peace of mind.  By the sheer grace and mercy of God, you found the strength, the wherewithal to actually receive and apply His grace that helped you to arrive at this particular season of your life.  You now walk in greater emotional health and peace of mind.  You know deep down inside that you are loved and valued by God.  You are no longer screeching internally for outside validation.

Now you have been walking the path towards greater degrees of wholeness, you find that the grace that you first walked in now seems a bit elusive.  What happened? You know that you have experienced a mighty deliverance.  You know what God has done in you, for you and through you.  But now the road is a little trickier.  The tests keep coming.  You have suffered to maintain the level of wholeness you now walk in and it is a battle to move to the next level.  What happened? You did run well; who did hinder you…? (Galatians 5:7)

Here are four ways to give yourself grace as you move forward to heal and order your life:

  1. Self-Forgiveness. Give yourself the grace to be a human and make mistakes.  Give yourself the grace of letting yourself off the hook.  God convicts, but does not condemn.  We tend to do the opposite.  We condemn ourselves and with that comes shame.  Shame will always keep you small, living small, dating small, and showing up small.  Forgive yourself and move forward.
  2. Transition Time. Give yourself the grace to transition between seasons and relationships.  Don’t go jumping into a new relationshiop all fast and hard catching feeligns before your soul and heart have had a chance to adequately process and heal from the previous situation.  Protect your heart from rebounding and guard your sanity by giving yourself the grace of transition time.
  3. Permission to Live and Love. Give yourself the grace of permission.  Repeat after me, “I give myself the permission to live and love again.”  It’s okay.  It really is! You are enough and you deserve to be loved and cherished.
  4. Walk Worthy. You are worthy.  Give yourself the grace and permission to walk worthy of the calling and purpose that God as called you too.  You are worth it.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your life has meaning and significance.  Walk like it and act like. Stop hiding out in shame and fear and other excuses.

Give yourself Grace!




What You Resist Persists – How To Let Go in “That” Situation

Hello Wonderful People!!…I know, I know… it’s been a while since I’ve posted… but felt the need to share this one nugget that has been really resonating with me here lately.

What you resist persists….

You know that one, particular situation in your life right now —

  • The “issue” in your current relationship…
  • What happened recently with your child(ren) or on the job…
  • Still struggling trying to find your way – your purpose
  • Your ministry or business struggles
  • The current events of tragedy, trauma and suffering that you may be going thru right now…
  • The loneliness of being without a partner when you have been used to the married life…
  • Single and still waiting for the Right One to appear…
  • Just ending a relationship, still thinking of him/her and secretly keeping an eye on his/her Instagram and Facebook pages…
  • Feeling guilty for reconnecting back with him/her and getting intimate  again just to be left hanging and not returning your calls, texts, acting weird, pulling away, etc.

And the list goes on…


No matter where you are right now, as long as you keep fixating on the situation – attempting to figure it out, force it, manipulate or control it, it will remain the same.  If you have your heart set on a certain, particular outcome on that situation and it appears that it is going the opposite direction, as long as you are emotionally and mentally attached to having it manifest in your way, the situation will persist.

What you resist, persists. When we let go, we allow God to flow.  Whenever we attach to a certain outcome and attempt to force our desires in a situation we do the following:

  • Invite a Spirit of Fear & Desperation
  • Invite the Spirit of Impatience & Haste
  • Repel Faith & Grace
  • Get into works of the flesh, pride & ego
  • Attempt to force an outcome according to preconceived notion/fantasy/little movie in our mind.
  • Create a bigger problem & bigger delay
  • Breeds rigidity to a certain way and blocks other creative solutions
  • Breeds insecurity.

Remember, every time fear and panic step in, faith and wisdom step out! This is a huge indicator and a red flag that you have gone too far in your thinking and emotions. When we fall back, chill and trust this creates the space for grace and for God to flow into the situation. When we get into force, figuring, and fixating we dam up the path with our own working and negativity.

When we trust God we are saying, “God, either way this situation goes I know that it is working together for my good according to Romans 8:28.”  Stand on that and believe it TODAY. I encourage you to FALL BACK (do not text him, do not be all worked up, do not run it your mind 85 times), CHILL & TRUST!

Prayer For You

(especially if you are in a tough situation — relationship or otherwise):

Lord, I release my rigidity.  Letting go allows you to flow in my situation.  I understand that by being resistant and fixating on (that person, situation or issue), I will keep the situation with me.   Today I intentionally chose to let go, chill & trust the process. Amen.


Are You….

  • Seeking clarity in your relationship situation?
  • In pain, chaos & confusion?
  • Ready to end it but don’t know how?
  • Feeling in limbo, stuck and unclear in your life overall?

For a limited time, I’m opening up my calendar for 25 minute complimentary clarity coaching sessions for those who are very serious about moving forward in life and in their relationships.  If you are interested in having a complimentary session with me, click HERE to schedule your Talk2Tonika session today!



For those of you in the local Raleigh/Durham North Carolina USA area, join me on Sept 16th for the Faith Walkers Live Conference where I will be a facilitator.  The time has 6:30 am for those who want to actually exercise and go on a Faith Walk Duke University before the conference.  However, it is not mandatory, so don’t let that scare you!   Click here to register

Also, don’t forget – I will be in Charlotte, NC as a facilitator for the Heart & Sole Conference / Running on a Broken Heel on October 13-14 and I’d love to see you there. Click here to register!



Download the Periscope app on Google Play or Apple and follow me on Periscope @GetRealBeHealed to catch my live broadcast videos.  I share tons of information on emotional healing and relationships!!!

In Him