Just because you are functional, does not mean you are fine.

I attended a lovely women’s fellowship this past weekend.  It was a close, intimate gathering of women from all walks of life from the younger generation to senior women.

One thing that stood out to me – the common thread — the common theme uniting every woman in attendance that Saturday morning was this:

That behind every smile and every persona was pain.

Regardless of how she appeared to be when I first saw her sitting there…

Regardless of how she appeared to be when I saw her standing, talking, smiling walking around…

Regardless of her presentation there was some level of emotional pain or a hidden burden that she was carrying.

She could be your sister, your mother, your aunt, your grandmother, your cousin, your friend.

She could be and is very well likely – you.

The reality is that regardless of someone’s social media profile and pictures, you really don’t know what they are carrying.  You don’t know the pain behind that smile.  You don’t know what it cost them to smile for that picture.

And on the flip side of that, you don’t know the power and the strength that someone carries either.

None of this can be discerned by mere outward appearances.

This weekend just reinforced for me the following:

  1. When one woman opens up, is willing to be vulnerable and share her raw truth it opens the door and creates a safe space for other women to share. When that door is opened, the other women feel safe. Sadly, many go months and years without saying anything to anybody. Especially our senior women who have carried burdens for years.
  2. When women (or men for that matter) go too long carrying unprocessed pain and not speaking truth they become functionally dysfunctional.

In other words, as long as they are functioning they think they are fine.  However, when something big happens to rock their world or when they are exposed to another woman’s pain, all of a sudden their pain comes rising to the surface.

We default to a state of quiet pain, often because we feel like we have no choice.  We must survive and keep going.  We can’t afford to fall apart.  Our children and others are depending upon us to show up. Sometimes we are unaware of what is really going on inside of us and choose to live on the surface of our lives. We keep a certain wall or mask up because the pain is so deep and we do not want to touch it or expose it.

Toure’ Roberts, in his book Wholeness describes this as being in a state of “functional dysfunction”:

“What makes our brokenness even harder to detect is that we have learned to function with dysfunction.  It’s like using a crutch for a broken foot; as long as you have the crutch, you can still get around.  That doesn’t mean your foot is any less broken, but you might convince yourself that it’s fine because, hey, you’re still getting from one place to another, right? But the more functional we are with our dysfunction, the greater our self-deception. Why? Because we equate being functional with being fine.  That may work for a while, but not forever.  One day, the painful truth that all is not well will bring everything to a screeching halt…”

Just because you are functional with your broken heart, your wounds, the painful relationship situation, the desire of your heart that still has not yet manifested, the mother/father hurts or pains, previous abuse, abandonment, betrayal, or infidelity…just because you can smile, work, laugh, serve, show up and look good at it — doesn’t mean that you are whole.

For us to heal and become whole from the various things that happen in our lives requires that we do one foundational thing first:

Speak your truth. Tell it. Raw. Honest. Ugly. The Real.

It is the truth that sets us free.

Truth and honesty with one’s self about the pain and the burden is the key to personal wholeness.  Wholeness and integrity go hand in hand.  Integrity is taken from the word “INTEGER” which means a whole number – not a fraction or decimal.  To be whole means to first be integrous from the within and it all starts with self-awareness.

Self-awareness starts with having the courage and honesty to face the pain instead of repressing or avoiding it.  It begins with saying no to the lesser things (running and rushing about, partying, sexing, churching, busy work, drugs, alcohol) and saying yes to yourself and God.  It begins with letting go over spiritualizing, denying or minimizing the pain (“I’m so over him/it/the thing, “I’m fine”, I’m healed already”).

When we choose to live in denial, it is similar to sweeping the dirt under the rug.  I heard Minister Sam Blakes say one time – “What’s swept under the rug, is still in the house.”  We can sweep and hide our pain under our so-called rugs of being busy, staying all caught up, addictions and mindless activities, but it is still sitting right there in the house of our souls.

We cannot cure what we keep covered.  And a tiny little spiritual band-aid of a few prayers here and there won’t do it either.  As in the natural, so in the spiritual. Wounds must be exposed to heal correctly.

Self-Compassion is the key.  Allowing yourself feel difficult feelings so that you can heal right is crucial.  It is not compassionate to yourself to try not to cry when you know you need to cry; to be hard; to keep your guard up; to always be in control so that you are not vulnerable.

Instead of making you open to God’s love, the love of others and healing, lack of self-compassion and acknowledging your humanity only makes you hard-hearted.  Hard hearts cannot receive love.

Feeling your feelings but not staying stuck in them or making decisions from is the most compassionate, wise and loving thing that you can do for yourself.

And when you are healthy and whole, then everything else in your life tends to flow better.

I encourage you this week to become more aware of what is going on inside of you without pushing it away or distracting yourself.  Make a commitment to self-compassion.

Let’s walk wholehearted, healthy and free. No more functional dysfunction!

Love,

 

Tonika

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It Takes A Village to Heal A Queen. Join Me.

Women everywhere are rising up. Reawakening. Remembering…

We feel it in our bones. We intuitively sense a divine call, a SHIFT. A call to GREATER.

MORE. BETTER. HIGHER.

From the hills of California to the cities of Washington, D.C., from churches to corporate,we know… It is TIME to RISE up and reclaim ourselves.

Do you hear it? The divine call? The sacred feminine whisper? The call to PURPOSE, to FREEDOM, to a depth of beauty that could only be captured through alignment with the God?

Women everywhere are feeling discontent, disconnected, overwhelmed and dissatisfied, searching and seeking for a sense of wholeness that can only be achieved through sacred community.

A SISTERHOOD.

No longer are we threatened by our sisters’ gifts, but we understand that we are more POWERFUL TOGETHER than we ever could be alone. That the calling is seemingly impossible without a sister on outside to encourage, support, uplift, edify and co-create.

The sisterhood represents a safe place to simply BE. It’s where you can discover WHO YOU ARE through your own divine REFLECTION.

This is a sacred invitation to join a powerful collective of women, committed to RISE and receive their Divine birthrights of purpose, freedom, liberty and joy. It’s time to slow down and heal. It time to release the overthinking and striving and make room for God.

It’s also time to rise up and take back all the peace, finances, love and health that has been stolen!

It’s time to rest. It’s time to come home. It’s time to cultivate our wholeness. It’s time to walk worthy of our calling. Let’s come together so we may evolve into the anointed QUEENS we already are.

Two things:

 

I am doing a special series of teaching on 4 Way to Embrace Your Elevation & Evolution as a Real Queen where I will be going in depth on the Pressure you are feeling right now, your  Purpose, God’s Promise & the process to your personal Palace  at 12pm EST all week longClick here to friend and follow me and be sure to turn on the notification for when I go live!

AND—

At 1 pm EST all week (if you can’t make my teaching or if you need to soak up more) I am inviting you to join my Spiritual Mentor, Shannon Evette and my Sacred Sisterhood Circle all this week for a powerful line up of transformational teaching talks with powerful speakers on taking back from the enemy what was stolen from you, forgiveness, healing, femininity, healing your womb, purpose activation, sexuality, your calling in God, body temple wellness, and building your Queendom in business.

 

Because this flow has been dynamic and we have stepped up the game, the times have changed and I am awaiting new webinar links from Shannon.  She is doing a Spiritual Gangsta Series on taking Holy Action – NO MORE PASSIVITY, WANTING AND WAITING!!!  If you want to be in on this starting TODAY 1 PM EST. Click here to be on my special Queens Rising List for replays and special access.

Join me on the Journey!

Love, 

 

TB

What if Celibacy Could Raise Your “Coinage” – Live Call Tomorrow!

ALERT!!!  For my sisters — JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY!!! I WILL BE ON THIS CALL AND I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU! I KNOW THIS IS SHORT NOTICE, BUT I HAD TO SHARE!

p.s. if you are a brother, pass it along to a sister who needs it.

What if your ability to receive MONEY and your capacity to receive LOVE were…somehow…CONNECTED?

What if the same feminine qualities that have the potential to bring you MAD success and an abundant flow of resources, could bring you an abundant flow of love, joy and heartfelt bliss?

Wouldn’t you want to know EVERYTHING you can about that??!! Guess what, sacred sister? It’s time for us to rise in our understanding in the two conversations every woman must face: LOVE and MONEY.

Our feminine design calls for love, we desire to be touched, held, cherished. Yet, we also crave safety, security and LEGACY. As women, we are MAGNETIC, we have the power to attract the right relationships, the right opportunities and the right resources.

So, what happens when our BRILLIANCE is dulled by fear, a mindset of LACK or unworthiness?

Our money goes from a FLOW to a trickle. We step a little further away from our rightful position as Queens, and a little more hidden from that King-level partner we desire.

TOMORROW!!!

Join the Sacred Sisterhood’s “LOVE & MONEY: WHY QUEENS NEED BOTH” Master Class at 8:00 am Pacific, 10:00 am Central & 11:00 am Eastern.

WARNING: This Sacred Sisterhood Circle will touch on very adult topics, if you’re sensitive to language this may not be the call for you.

 CLICK HERE TO REGISTER IMMEDIATELY.

Join us in a no-nonsense, heart-to-heart session that covers two major influences that affect our joy and fulfillment as women: LOVE and MONEY.

This class will feature a special guest, 7-figure money mindset coach and Instagram power player, Ashley Ann.

Ashley Ann has walked hundreds of entrepreneurs to six and seven figure businesses through the process of mindset transformation and money mastery. Prepare to be blown away by the provocative, leading edge ideas that this major Instagram influencer, mega money trainer and anointed business leader has to share with us tomorrow morning.

In tomorrow’s “LOVE & MONEY: Why QUEENS need BOTH” Master Class, you will discover how to…

  • Elevate above a competitive, “not-enough”, scarcity mindset to manifest money and WEALTH and tap into the spiritual laws of grace, intention and receptivity to co-create an abundant life with God.
  • Remove the barriers blocking the flow of romantic love and financial abundance.
  • Stop helplessly waiting and get prepared and positioned for the love that is calling with our soulmate and evolve into magnets for wealth as we discover the spiritual laws of prosperity and purpose.
  • Dispel common money misconceptions that keep many women in the cycle of lack and “not enough”
  • It’s time to BUILD your Queendom and welcome sacred love that anchors and accelerates your CALLING.

WARNING: This Sacred Sisterhood Circle will touch on very adult topics, if you’re sensitive to language this may not be the call for you.

We’re going to talk about how your SEX life is affecting your ability to attract WEALTH. Prepare your heart to receive on tomorrow as we tap into our King Maker and Money Maker Anointing!

Secure your complimentary space by CLICKING HERE.

Blessings and Love,

Tonika