Receive Forgiveness

Yes. You.  I’m not talking about you forgiving the one or ones who have done you wrong.

I’m talking about you finally forgiving you.  Letting yourself off the hook. Giving yourself grace.  Remembering that you are a human being, prone to struggle, error and sin.

I’m talking about finally fully receiving the redemption and restoration that Christ died to give you.

Question: If you have genuinely turned from the old way of doing, being and thinking (aka repentance) and are actively working with God for restoration, healing and forward momentum in your life then why are you continuing to hold back a little? Why?

Every time we allow the lingering old residue thoughts of guilt and shame over what happened, we slowly corrode away our self-esteem.

Every time we engage in comparison and subtle competition because of lingering insecurities and unprocessed pain, we diminish ourselves.

Every time we allow our minds to ruminate and re-hash over all of the things we suffered because of our decisions, the hurt we may have inadvertently caused others, the opportunities and blessings we forfeited when we made poor choices, we unconsciously create an unhealthy place for our own hearts.

How can our hearts thrive in a situation where we beat ourselves up with the past?  How can my heart as a woman thrive if I am in a place of continual regret?  How can my heart be a safe place for other people (especially if I plan to be married, or if I already am, or if I have a family) if it is not safe for me first?

Since when did subtle, self-inflicted punishment help move us forward in our purpose and destiny?  The last time I checked, self-inflicted silent punishment keeps us stuck and pretending to be okay with where we are when we are really not. We self-sabotage and punish ourselves because of:

  1. Shame. I love this quote by Shannon Evette – “Shame will cause you to live small, date small and be small.” Enough said.
  2. False Guilt. There is a difference between a healthy sense of being convicted when you do something wrong versus walking around feeling guilty for something that you know you have already asked forgiveness for and it is over already. Or in some cases feeling guilty about situations and circumstances beyond your control.  As long as you feel guilty, subconsciously you are going to do things to punish yourself, such as procrastinating, not fully showing up, hiding, making excuses, falling off the wagon, etc.
  3. Fear and Unworthiness. Unworthiness says I am unworthy to receive full forgiveness and give myself permission to live again, therefore I will settle.  As a result of settling, fear sets in and says because I have wasted so much time in foolishness and drama, I must now hurry up and do something because I may not have a chance at love again. Therefore, I am going to rush and settle into a known situation that is not God’s best for me.  I don’t believe I am worthy to receive God’s best, therefore I don’t have the patience to wait, so I will settle for who or what comes up.
  4. Pride. To receive from God what He has so freely given is an act of humility.  There is no working, sweating, proving and performing. It is admitting that you can’t fix yourself. It literally means that we must deeply receive from Him without trying to work up and muster up some type of good behavior to pay for it.  We are too prideful and want to work for God’s approval.  Remember, you were approved when you accepted Christ not based on anything you have ever done.

Allowing yourself to fully receive from God is the first step to overcoming the dead-end dynamic of shame, guilt, fear and unworthiness.  When we don’t fully receive what Christ died to give, we are in essence saying that His sacrifice is not good enough for us.  It is like a slap in the face to the Creator. He so freely gave so that we could be full and free, but we still walk around deliberately choosing to stay bound.  How sad!

I exhort you today, to no longer block the blessing of receiving forgiveness.  Forgive yourself so that you can be free.

Lay aside the pride, the shame, the unworthiness, the settling, the impatience and learn to sit, be settled and receive full forgiveness of EVERYTHING from God and from yourself!!

In Him,



How to Forgive Yourself

Live like you are deeply loved right now, dear reader!

One of the biggest and most profound revelations that I had a few years ago was the simple, yet profound fact that, my faith works better, faster, stronger from a place of LIVING LOVED than from a place of condemnation and shame.

The second biggest revelation moment for me occurred when I realized I had unforgiveness towards myself that was still blocking me up.

Knowing that you are loved and living as such is the key to forgiving and releasing yourself.  The bottom line key to all transformation and growth is a deep revelation that God REALLY loves you and that your sin yesterday, ten years ago, today and tomorrow were already taken care of so that you can live F.R.E.E today.

No amount of beating yourself up or holding it against yourself will change or make anything better.

We cannot be used effectively by God if we are still unforgiving towards our self.  In the Bible, we clearly see by evidence, that Apostles Peter and Paul had to fully and completely forgive themselves in order to have the ministries that they did.

Think about it. Peter denied Christ three times.  Yet somehow, he managed to profoundly impact the world for the Gospel.  Clearly, at some point he had to decide that even though he denied the Lord and felt like a complete failure that he was still worthy enough to preach.

Look at Paul.  He was a straight murderer and hater of all Christians.  He was the chief persecutor of all times.

Yet, somehow, he managed to write over half of New Testament as we know it.  Somewhere along the way, Paul had to let go of his colorful and destructive past and give himself permission to preach and transform lives.

Therefore, you can surely let yourself off the hook too, my friend.

Release yourself form your self-imposed prison for marrying wrong, getting emotionally or physically caught up with the wrong person , engaging in sex outside of marriage, and anything else that you may have done that you still feel crushed about.

For me it was unforgiveness towards myself, resentment, pain and shame about what my young boys did to the house because I was so broken and caught up in trying to get married again instead of truly training and being present with them when they were very young (talk about guilt & condemnation!).

It was unforgiveness towards myself for all of the time I spent chasing and sweating to be married only to realize it was a big fat dead-end and I am left with chaos and struggles.  It really made me deeply mad at myself and quite undone.

All of this created soul level pain that showed up in busyness, restlessness, anxiety, frustration.  It was the root of the bitterness, unforgiveness, negativity, chaos, fear.  It was the root of the NOT ENOUGH mentality, – not worthy – not good enough, guilty and still punishing myself for something Jesus died for and then on top of all that getting resentful at people who seemed to have it more together than I did.

The Forgiveness Prayer that set me free one day sitting down at a restaurant during lunch break (it was all I could do to not burst out crying in the restaurant) and held my head down so people would not see me but that was the beginning of a deeper healing journey:

“Self-forgiveness, The key to Healing” by Tracey Burchard:

You have done things to hurt yourself and others.

So has everyone else in the world.

Realize that you have always, unconsciously run off your inner programming

So has everyone else in the world.

Based on that programming, you have always done the best you could

So has everyone else in the word.

Every baby born in this world deserves to be loved.

And you were a baby born in this world and YOU deserve to be loved too.

You have punished yourself long enough, even prisoners go free after serving time.

Forgiveness is a sign of strength and courage

Forgiveness allows me to regain my control and personal power

 After I read this and replaced the “you” with “I” in the prayer, I broke down and cried again! I also created the following affirmation that I began to say to myself every morning for almost 6 months.

I fully and freely forgive and release myself. I loose myself and I let myself go.  I let go and I let God.  The healing and redeeming power of Jesus Christ sets me free from all of my mistakes of the past, present and future and I go free to live and enjoy my life as a full, free and favored woman of God.

I encourage you, dear reader to embrace these prayers in your personal journey if any of what I am saying resonates with you.

Also, to supplement your healing journey, be sure to click here  to receive more resources in this area of emotional healing, forgiveness, worthiness, abandonment, rejection, romance, dating —- everything! Click here to invest in you.  You are truly worth it!

Love, TB

Give Yourself Permission

Give yourself permission to be still.  End the rush and the hustle. God’s favor can take you further than your hustle ever will.

It’s a trust thing. Let Him direct and order your steps in this season as you heal your life.  Do you really and sincerely believe that all things are working together for your good?  I mean really.  Let’s look at this:

  • The failed relationship
  • The cheating spouse or significant other
  • The significant other or spouse who does not treat you right
  • The friend who acts funny or suddenly gets cold towards you
  • The people at work
  • Your dysfunctional, strange or weird family members
  • Your finances, job, ministry or school situation
  • Your health
  • Your mistakes you made and the consequences
  • Your children and their issues (or lack of children)
  • Your calling or purpose in life
  • And everything else in your life that is hard to understand and painful.

All things.  We have to make an intentional choice to believe that these things are the very stepping stones and instruments of God for His purposes to refine our character and point us to His heart and our purpose in Him.

If I didn’t know what it felt like to come home after church one day only to find that my husband had emptied out his side of the closet and his clothes out of the drawers to move in with his girlfriend while I sat with a six month old infant, a 3 year old and his stepson, questioning my worth as a wife, woman and a mother, I wouldn’t have any power to speak to other women in the same situation.

If it were not for my failed marriage above and the subsequent dead-end relationship (the one in which I walked around with my fiancé’s deceased wife’s wedding ring on my finger for almost 7 years as my engagement ring), you would not be reading this blog post today.

If I didn’t take the time to write and reflect in my tattered and tear stained journals, back in those days when I was waiting on my “fiancé” to call or text me, while looking at that ring on my hand wondering when we were going to finally get it together, there would not have been a book written about how to get out of a dead end relationship.

If I didn’t learn the lessons of the parking lot Christmas Eve gift exchanges between my “fiancé” and I because he never, ever wanted to spend Christmas with me and my family but always had a thousand excuses (but he said he loved me), I would not have anything to teach other women about how to recognize what real love looked like.

If I didn’t know what it felt like to struggle and battle immensely in my heart and mind to stop thinking, wondering, praying about, fantasizing, daydreaming, texting, calling, stalking a man in order to finally cut that soul tie, get real be healed and move on in my life, I would not be in a position to help other women move on from being entangled emotionally and sexually with a man who is not safe for their heart.

Never, ever in a million years could I have imagined that I would have written a book, over a hundred blog posts and emails, spoken into the lives of hundreds and hundreds of women based off my struggles, inadequacies, mistakes and humiliation as a woman.  Never.

That is why I tell you dear reader, to let God be God.  Let Him direct and order your steps in this season as you heal your life.  He tells us in Psalm 46:10 to be still and to know that He is God.  I say be still and let Him heal.  Don’t move yet.  Give yourself permission to be still and heal.  The longer you stay still, the better you heal.  The longer you heal, the more the healing can seal and remain strong.

Sit with Him and settle your soul about these matters for once and for all.

We live in a “hurry up and heal” social media society where we want to heal up quick so that we can post pictures on Facebook and Instagram to show the world that we are “okay” and “looking good.”

Be still and heal.  Do not rush or hurry to date, get out there, be seen, or start something that you have no personal capacity or space in your heart for right now.  This goes for more than just a romantic relationship.  This goes for anything that could distract you from what is most important.

Your voice and your testimony are being cultivated right now.  The deeper your healing, the deeper and the stronger your testimony will be and the more you will be able to help others.  Your purpose is being developed right here in the darkness between you and God.  My testimony and these emails that you receive were not birthed in 2018.  The seeds of what you see now were birthed back around 2008 or 2009 when I was sitting, isolated, waiting for him to come and see me, love me and marry me.  It was birthed when I was crying, praying and writing while realizing that I had a spiritual gift but was too ashamed about my situation to let anyone know.

That is place where ministry is birthed. Not in the limelight, but in the cave.

There is someone out there who is assigned to the story and the victory that you currently carry.  The world needs what you carry.  Don’t resist or rush the process.

Let God be God!