Relationship Laws for Ladies Who Love God

1. I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God, not a position, title, having “Mrs.” in front of my name, not money, my looks, being cute, being smart or being seen.

2. I respect myself enough to lay boundaries in all relationships personally and professionally.

3. I am complete and whole in God; therefore I do not need outside validation or vindication from a man to see how wonderful I am, what a great and lovely lady I am, or what good wife potential I am. I already know that I am all these things. I don’t have to compromise myself or be in a jacked up relationship to prove it.

4. I am a very wise, honest, faithful person of integrity. I am loving and kind. I am wise enough to now realize that not everyone is like me; therefore I exercise sound judgment, wisdom and boundaries in my daily life, especially when it comes to men. I no longer naively assume that just because a man proclaims to be a Christian, a minister, a pastor, etc. that it means he has good intentions or is true. I realize that because a man can speak “Christianese”, knows the Bible, can pray and preach does not mean he is “THE ONE”. He still got to past the basic character tests of honesty and reliability. I know people by their fruit not by what they say.

5. I attract creative, exciting, supportive, positive, godly, faithful, visionary, smart and wonderful people, both males and females in my life. I can now be friends with a man without thinking “IS HE THE ONE?” I can enjoy male friendship without the foolishness of weird feelings and questionings. I can just be my best self and let God lead, guide and order my relationships. I have a full and abundant life.

6. I attract emotionally, mentally and spiritually whole people in my life now. I have no need to have unhealthy, sick malfunctioning men in order to prove anything or to be their Savior. I am not responsible for their burdens, sins, issues, and brokenness and healing. That is between them and Jesus. I will NOT relax my boundaries to accommodate their issues, thus damming up my own healing and blessings. Because I am fixed, helped and healed by Jesus, I no longer have the need to fix, help or heal a man. I am now complete in Christ and know who I am, a Daughter of the King, living in His courts and will not go beneath my place of being seated in heavenly places to roll around in the pig pen to help someone and get my own self dirty and hurt. I no longer need to fix someone else to validate my self-worth and value as a good woman. I know I am good.

7. I live very gracefully, very poised, very well pulled together and am continuously working towards improvement and order. I will no longer tolerate chaotic individuals, with lots of mess and unresolved issues operating that will spill over into my life. Thus I maintain a higher level of peace and order in my life.

8. I attract whole men who I would compliment and who would compliment me. We are icing on each other’s cakes, not two half baked cakes, falling apart attempting to come together, making a bigger mess. I am a Whole Loaf. Therefore I will not scrape around begging, looking and expecting for crumbs from a man, or live off past stale crumbs. I no longer attract crumby men. I attract Whole Loaf Men.

9. I make note of and pay attention to ANY AND ALL, EVERY LAST SIGN OF ANYTHING THAT IS A TRUE RED FLAG in relationships. I can give people the benefit of the doubt, but I now am more sensitive and quickly take heed to warning signs and signals, because I have learned to trust myself. I have learned that if I am praying in the Spirit, staying in the Word of God, trusting Him to lead me that He is indeed truly doing that and I can truly trust that warning or check in my spirit. I only have close relationships with people whose walk equals their talk and whose words and actions match. If I see otherwise, I leave them alone.

10. I stay away from anyone who would attempt to cause me to compromise myself or values in any way, shape form or fashion. I flee from any individual or circumstance that conflicts with:
a. Godly laws, principles, values and morals, including sex before marriage
b. Common Sense and Wisdom
c. Cause immediate harm and damage
d. Cause emotional, mental, spiritual pain, anxiety, torment or turmoil
e. Compromise the call and purpose of God for my life

11. I stay in fellowship and accountable to people who I know truly love and care about me and who will tell me the truth. I walk in reality and not fantasy. I am able to distinguish and discern truth. I immerse myself in the Word of God; I stay in tune with the Holy Spirit who is also known as the Spirit of Truth. I heed wise counsel, realizing that I do not know it all. I heed wise counsel even if it hurts my feelings and makes me mad at first. This means I stay humble.

12. I refuse to allow myself to be self-deceived in the name of Jesus because I am too proud, ashamed or embarrassed to face the truth about any situation. I no longer have to isolate myself in shame or embarrassment. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can live again.

13. I have no need to get in a man’s head, obsessing, analyzing, over thinking, and immersing myself in his world, trying to figure him out. It does not take all that. If it does, something is wrong.

14. I work for myself first. This means that I allow God to work in me and through me to #1, heal and restore me FIRST, then others. My work blesses ME FIRST, then others. This means that I will utilize the gifts and talents I have for God to benefit myself and others in a Healthy and Balanced way. This means that I will not allow myself to be used by someone in the name of fixing/helping/healing/proving/validating and following a fantasy and still left with nothing to benefit me. I am discreet and cautious and wise about giving of myself, time, talents and money to anyone not in my immediate family, but especially to a man without the true commitment.

15. I end relationships immediately when I can clearly see that it is not working. I learn the lesson and LET IT GO.

Need to Let Go of the Past and Live with Purpose?

Does stress ever get you down? Do you wish you listened more to God and less to fear? Do you struggle to let go of the past? Do you wish you lived your purpose?

You are not alone!  I want to introduce you to my friend and colleague Laney Houser, MA, MPL. Laney has been to the bottom of the pit and lost everything marriage, career, family, home, business…literally everything! Then, she participated with God and over the next few years she watched Him miraculously restore her life, marriage, career, family, everything lost was redeemed to more than amazing, God style!

She has a thing or two to say about learning to let go of the past, living into her God given purpose in love and freedom. And, she’s so enthusiastic about helping people live free that she has created an online speaker series called, Learn to Dream Again: Let Go of Your Past and Live Your Purpose with Passion.

She set out to learn how other people learned to live into their God given purposes in spite of life’s setbacks, so she has interviewed over 20 leading experts (myself included!) who reveal how they learned how to step into their God given purpose, take risks and live with freedom and joy.

I have a complimentary ticket for you to attend this event and you can register here for free:

Learn To Dream Again<<< Join Us Starting May 15

When you go to the link above and reserve your spot on this free series, you’ll be learning:

  • Practical steps to step into the purpose God has for you
  • Concrete strategies you can use to build a life you love
  • How to have healthy relationships
  • How to hear God’s voice and step into your life with faith
  • Inspiration to move from thinking about your dreams to doing them
  • How to get published as an author

Chances are, you have put off taking intentional time to restore and reflect on your dreams…I’m inviting you to slow down pause and rediscover yourself and what is most important to you.

Laney is passionate about helping people live into God freedom and joy. I am honored to join her in this project because it is something I am passionate about too.

Sign up here to reserve your spot:

Let’s Dream Together <<< Reserve Your Spot Here

I’m so looking forward to this event. Not only am I speaking, but I’ll be attending the other interviews as a listener, too … I don’t want to miss a thing!

Here’s to living like we are loved and free!!

With Love,

Tonika to claim your seat beginning

P.S. Learning to live your purpose is so important! But, if you don’t have the emotional tools you need to have great relationships and live into that purpose chances are you’ll have a hard time living your dreams. Sign up here and join us and learn how Let Go of Your Past & Live Your Purpose with Passion.

Learn to Dream Again<<<< Go Here To Join Us

The Inability to Trust

When you woke up this morning (if you paid your light bill) you trusted that the electric company provided you with electricity to see and get ready for the day.  When you drove to work today, you trusted that the driver of the car behind you would hit the brakes in time to not rear-end you.  You also trusted that the cars would act right at the intersection and obey the traffic lights.  You trusted that your employer would make the direct deposit of your paycheck.  You trusted your co-worker to follow through on a task that needed to be done for the big project. Trust is essential for us to live in society or we would have complete chaos. How come it is soo hard to trust again in relationships, ministry and business?  What happens to us when we hurt so deeply and so badly that we cannot trust again?  Check out my broadcast on Periscope TV as we tackled the 3 ways the inability to trust hinders us in Relationships, Business, Ministry & Purpose — click