Stay the Course!



Scattered focus. Scattered energy. Scattered effort. Remember what God first whispered into your spirit at the beginning of the year regarding your healing, your relationships and your life? You know, that thing?  It hasn’t changed.

Definition of  scattered: dispersed, disorganized, random direction and distribution, i.e. – All over the place.

Let not the distractions of life, other people’s agendas, good ideas vs. God ideas, and that one person that you got your eye on (or who you suspect has their eyes on you) get you scattered and off course.

Like the old cliché goes – It’s not how you start, but how you finish.  You started the year well.  You made it through February, the month of love and now we sit here on the cusp of spring.  This is a call to remain grounded, guard your heart and keep moving forward regardless of the distractions and counterfeits that are sure to come your way, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

Remember, your primary focus at this time is to heal your heart, walk in your purpose and be in position for the next and the new that God has for you.  Like attracts like.  So, it stands to reason that if you are scattered, emotional and at the whim of the new fresh season, you may very well indeed attract another person in the throes of the same sentiments.

You have come too far and have been through too much at this point in your life base your relationship choices out of an unmet emotional need, a need to be seen or loneliness when the weather starts to get warm.

Now, more than ever, is the time to be very intentional and strategic as we enter the pending spring season where hormones rise, activity increases, and opportunities abound to get caught up in the next bright, shiny new thing or relationship(s).

As a beloved son or daughter of God, you are deeply loved and cared for and don’t have to be caught up in the fret and fury of Spring Fever.  Here are some quick keys to help you navigate the pending spring season where nature and hormones rise and there is a general proclivity towards being out and about, looking for love and getting caught up in the excitement of a fresh love interest from a hard winter.

Get Grounded.

One of my sayings that God literally burned in my soul when I was deeply enmeshed in a dead-end relationship, walking around with my so-called “fiancé’s” deceased wife’s ring on my finger (long story, buy the book), was the phrase, “I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the love of God.”  I said this to myself and out loud over and over again.  I said this when I realized everytime I looked down at my hand, the hot mess situation I was in and trying to believe God for a turnaround – that he would give me my own ring and we would be married.  I said this when I realized that my foundation was NOT rooted in God’s love but in my own romantic notions and the opinions of other people.  Stay grounded and focused in God’s love for you and who you are in Him.  Your identity and worth is deeply rooted in God — not your relationship status, your money, looks, social media likes/loves/hearts/shares.  You are worthy and you are enough. Right. Now.  Be grounded and stabilized in that.  Let God’s love be your forever foundation.

Gather Your Energy.

Where focus goes, energy flows. – Tony Robbins

And might I add another saying: What you think about, you bring about.  If your focus is scattered and very distracted, your energy will also be very scattered. If your energy is scattered, so too will be your thoughts.

Scattered energy equals a scattered and unorganized life. When we are scattered we dissipate our life force and power.  We are not able to be fully present and in position for God to expand and elevate as we so deeply desire.  When we are scattered, we can’t be trusted with greater levels of responsibility and blessings because it would likely do us more harm than good.

God loves us too much to bless us more than we can bear.

Therefore, we must become acutely aware of the people, places, problems and pursuits that drain away your energy and take our focus of what is important.  What are the time robbers and subtle distractions, (think social media) that slowly corrode away your time, energy and sometimes rob you of joy and peace?  Take a few moments this week and look at where you time and energy are going.  Is the direction or flow of your time and energy in alignment with your values and the truth that you seek to embody?

Deeper still, perhaps the question to ask is: Are the direction of your thoughts, energy and time flowing towards certain individuals mentally, emotionally and physically that you already know is not God’s best for you?

When we allow ourselves to become scattered, we are an open door for counterfeits and other unhealthy relationships. Why? Because without true focus and purpose, we will attract other individuals into our lives who are also distracted and without focus.  Remember, like attracts like.  If you are scattered and distracted, you will attract those type of people into your life.  Distracting, counterfeit relationships are one of the primary methods the enemy of our soul uses to keep us out of God’s will and best for our lives.

At this time and season, you need the full yield of all of your emotional, spiritual, physical and mental energy. You need to be in a position to effectively harness your energy so that the gifts, talents, skills and anointing of God on your life to do great things can be fully maximized.

Do whatever you need to do in order to gather, reserve and retain all of your energetic power during this season.  Your time and energy is your greatest resource and once it is gone – it is gone.  Sure, God can redeem time and replenish your energy, but He has also given us lots of common sense and is more than willing to give us the wisdom we need in order to effectively navigate our lives.

This is important because we are responsible to be wise stewards over everything that concerns us and that includes all of our energies (spiritual, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical) and all of our gifts (talents, treasures, skills). How well are you stewarding what we have already been given? Are you giving it away to people and situations that are not worthy of who you are?

Take an inventory of where you are in these areas and begin to gather yourself for the next leg of your journey.

Guard Your Heart.

Go with me for a moment and imagine that you have been invited to a white party.  There are two big dudes at the entrance of the party guarding the door.  Only those on the guest list are invited.  You are on the guest list and you are allowed entrance to the party.

Note the following:

  1. The party is open.
  2. People can get in, but;
  3. Only those with an invitation.
  4. There are guards in place who screen and keep out those not invited.

You can guard your heart the same way. You don’t have to shut down or close up your heart.  You can let people in.  But you only allow folks in who have been invited and carefully screened as a result of due diligence and prayer.

Having spring fever and wanting to be seen, to feel pretty, and to be wanted by the opposite sex is not a reason to have the doors of your heart and body wide open to any body.  Catching feels prematurely happens when you let someone in too quick without allowing things to unfold.  You are responsible to guard you heart. Catching feelings for a distraction is what happens when the heart doors are unguarded.  We guard the doors of our hearts.  The heart is always open to let love in but in the right way, with the right person in the right time. Until otherwise, it remains kept under guard.

Your emotional energy and the space of your heart cannot be wide open to everyone during this season.  Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the springs of life (Prov. 4:23).   Only the right people who qualify, who have passed the test and have been deemed as a wise choice to be in your life and in your heart should be let in.  Only those who will add to, increase, bless, empower and make you a better person should be invited into the party of your life.

Let not yourself be scattered.  Get Grounded.  Gather Your Energy.  Guard Your Heart.

And most of all – Stay the Course!!!




Relationship Laws for Ladies Who Love God

1. I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God, not a position, title, having “Mrs.” in front of my name, not money, my looks, being cute, being smart or being seen.

2. I respect myself enough to lay boundaries in all relationships personally and professionally.

3. I am complete and whole in God; therefore I do not need outside validation or vindication from a man to see how wonderful I am, what a great and lovely lady I am, or what good wife potential I am. I already know that I am all these things. I don’t have to compromise myself or be in a jacked up relationship to prove it.

4. I am a very wise, honest, faithful person of integrity. I am loving and kind. I am wise enough to now realize that not everyone is like me; therefore I exercise sound judgment, wisdom and boundaries in my daily life, especially when it comes to men. I no longer naively assume that just because a man proclaims to be a Christian, a minister, a pastor, etc. that it means he has good intentions or is true. I realize that because a man can speak “Christianese”, knows the Bible, can pray and preach does not mean he is “THE ONE”. He still got to past the basic character tests of honesty and reliability. I know people by their fruit not by what they say.

5. I attract creative, exciting, supportive, positive, godly, faithful, visionary, smart and wonderful people, both males and females in my life. I can now be friends with a man without thinking “IS HE THE ONE?” I can enjoy male friendship without the foolishness of weird feelings and questionings. I can just be my best self and let God lead, guide and order my relationships. I have a full and abundant life.

6. I attract emotionally, mentally and spiritually whole people in my life now. I have no need to have unhealthy, sick malfunctioning men in order to prove anything or to be their Savior. I am not responsible for their burdens, sins, issues, and brokenness and healing. That is between them and Jesus. I will NOT relax my boundaries to accommodate their issues, thus damming up my own healing and blessings. Because I am fixed, helped and healed by Jesus, I no longer have the need to fix, help or heal a man. I am now complete in Christ and know who I am, a Daughter of the King, living in His courts and will not go beneath my place of being seated in heavenly places to roll around in the pig pen to help someone and get my own self dirty and hurt. I no longer need to fix someone else to validate my self-worth and value as a good woman. I know I am good.

7. I live very gracefully, very poised, very well pulled together and am continuously working towards improvement and order. I will no longer tolerate chaotic individuals, with lots of mess and unresolved issues operating that will spill over into my life. Thus I maintain a higher level of peace and order in my life.

8. I attract whole men who I would compliment and who would compliment me. We are icing on each other’s cakes, not two half baked cakes, falling apart attempting to come together, making a bigger mess. I am a Whole Loaf. Therefore I will not scrape around begging, looking and expecting for crumbs from a man, or live off past stale crumbs. I no longer attract crumby men. I attract Whole Loaf Men.

9. I make note of and pay attention to ANY AND ALL, EVERY LAST SIGN OF ANYTHING THAT IS A TRUE RED FLAG in relationships. I can give people the benefit of the doubt, but I now am more sensitive and quickly take heed to warning signs and signals, because I have learned to trust myself. I have learned that if I am praying in the Spirit, staying in the Word of God, trusting Him to lead me that He is indeed truly doing that and I can truly trust that warning or check in my spirit. I only have close relationships with people whose walk equals their talk and whose words and actions match. If I see otherwise, I leave them alone.

10. I stay away from anyone who would attempt to cause me to compromise myself or values in any way, shape form or fashion. I flee from any individual or circumstance that conflicts with:
a. Godly laws, principles, values and morals, including sex before marriage
b. Common Sense and Wisdom
c. Cause immediate harm and damage
d. Cause emotional, mental, spiritual pain, anxiety, torment or turmoil
e. Compromise the call and purpose of God for my life

11. I stay in fellowship and accountable to people who I know truly love and care about me and who will tell me the truth. I walk in reality and not fantasy. I am able to distinguish and discern truth. I immerse myself in the Word of God; I stay in tune with the Holy Spirit who is also known as the Spirit of Truth. I heed wise counsel, realizing that I do not know it all. I heed wise counsel even if it hurts my feelings and makes me mad at first. This means I stay humble.

12. I refuse to allow myself to be self-deceived in the name of Jesus because I am too proud, ashamed or embarrassed to face the truth about any situation. I no longer have to isolate myself in shame or embarrassment. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can live again.

13. I have no need to get in a man’s head, obsessing, analyzing, over thinking, and immersing myself in his world, trying to figure him out. It does not take all that. If it does, something is wrong.

14. I work for myself first. This means that I allow God to work in me and through me to #1, heal and restore me FIRST, then others. My work blesses ME FIRST, then others. This means that I will utilize the gifts and talents I have for God to benefit myself and others in a Healthy and Balanced way. This means that I will not allow myself to be used by someone in the name of fixing/helping/healing/proving/validating and following a fantasy and still left with nothing to benefit me. I am discreet and cautious and wise about giving of myself, time, talents and money to anyone not in my immediate family, but especially to a man without the true commitment.

15. I end relationships immediately when I can clearly see that it is not working. I learn the lesson and LET IT GO.