Relationship Laws for Ladies Who Love God

1. I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God, not a position, title, having “Mrs.” in front of my name, not money, my looks, being cute, being smart or being seen.

2. I respect myself enough to lay boundaries in all relationships personally and professionally.

3. I am complete and whole in God; therefore I do not need outside validation or vindication from a man to see how wonderful I am, what a great and lovely lady I am, or what good wife potential I am. I already know that I am all these things. I don’t have to compromise myself or be in a jacked up relationship to prove it.

4. I am a very wise, honest, faithful person of integrity. I am loving and kind. I am wise enough to now realize that not everyone is like me; therefore I exercise sound judgment, wisdom and boundaries in my daily life, especially when it comes to men. I no longer naively assume that just because a man proclaims to be a Christian, a minister, a pastor, etc. that it means he has good intentions or is true. I realize that because a man can speak “Christianese”, knows the Bible, can pray and preach does not mean he is “THE ONE”. He still got to past the basic character tests of honesty and reliability. I know people by their fruit not by what they say.

5. I attract creative, exciting, supportive, positive, godly, faithful, visionary, smart and wonderful people, both males and females in my life. I can now be friends with a man without thinking “IS HE THE ONE?” I can enjoy male friendship without the foolishness of weird feelings and questionings. I can just be my best self and let God lead, guide and order my relationships. I have a full and abundant life.

6. I attract emotionally, mentally and spiritually whole people in my life now. I have no need to have unhealthy, sick malfunctioning men in order to prove anything or to be their Savior. I am not responsible for their burdens, sins, issues, and brokenness and healing. That is between them and Jesus. I will NOT relax my boundaries to accommodate their issues, thus damming up my own healing and blessings. Because I am fixed, helped and healed by Jesus, I no longer have the need to fix, help or heal a man. I am now complete in Christ and know who I am, a Daughter of the King, living in His courts and will not go beneath my place of being seated in heavenly places to roll around in the pig pen to help someone and get my own self dirty and hurt. I no longer need to fix someone else to validate my self-worth and value as a good woman. I know I am good.

7. I live very gracefully, very poised, very well pulled together and am continuously working towards improvement and order. I will no longer tolerate chaotic individuals, with lots of mess and unresolved issues operating that will spill over into my life. Thus I maintain a higher level of peace and order in my life.

8. I attract whole men who I would compliment and who would compliment me. We are icing on each other’s cakes, not two half baked cakes, falling apart attempting to come together, making a bigger mess. I am a Whole Loaf. Therefore I will not scrape around begging, looking and expecting for crumbs from a man, or live off past stale crumbs. I no longer attract crumby men. I attract Whole Loaf Men.

9. I make note of and pay attention to ANY AND ALL, EVERY LAST SIGN OF ANYTHING THAT IS A TRUE RED FLAG in relationships. I can give people the benefit of the doubt, but I now am more sensitive and quickly take heed to warning signs and signals, because I have learned to trust myself. I have learned that if I am praying in the Spirit, staying in the Word of God, trusting Him to lead me that He is indeed truly doing that and I can truly trust that warning or check in my spirit. I only have close relationships with people whose walk equals their talk and whose words and actions match. If I see otherwise, I leave them alone.

10. I stay away from anyone who would attempt to cause me to compromise myself or values in any way, shape form or fashion. I flee from any individual or circumstance that conflicts with:
a. Godly laws, principles, values and morals, including sex before marriage
b. Common Sense and Wisdom
c. Cause immediate harm and damage
d. Cause emotional, mental, spiritual pain, anxiety, torment or turmoil
e. Compromise the call and purpose of God for my life

11. I stay in fellowship and accountable to people who I know truly love and care about me and who will tell me the truth. I walk in reality and not fantasy. I am able to distinguish and discern truth. I immerse myself in the Word of God; I stay in tune with the Holy Spirit who is also known as the Spirit of Truth. I heed wise counsel, realizing that I do not know it all. I heed wise counsel even if it hurts my feelings and makes me mad at first. This means I stay humble.

12. I refuse to allow myself to be self-deceived in the name of Jesus because I am too proud, ashamed or embarrassed to face the truth about any situation. I no longer have to isolate myself in shame or embarrassment. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can live again.

13. I have no need to get in a man’s head, obsessing, analyzing, over thinking, and immersing myself in his world, trying to figure him out. It does not take all that. If it does, something is wrong.

14. I work for myself first. This means that I allow God to work in me and through me to #1, heal and restore me FIRST, then others. My work blesses ME FIRST, then others. This means that I will utilize the gifts and talents I have for God to benefit myself and others in a Healthy and Balanced way. This means that I will not allow myself to be used by someone in the name of fixing/helping/healing/proving/validating and following a fantasy and still left with nothing to benefit me. I am discreet and cautious and wise about giving of myself, time, talents and money to anyone not in my immediate family, but especially to a man without the true commitment.

15. I end relationships immediately when I can clearly see that it is not working. I learn the lesson and LET IT GO.

Do You Have a “Head” Knowledge or A “Heart” Knowledge of Christ?

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There is a difference between knowing about something or someone in your head and actually knowing in your heart.  You can mentally believe in a concept, an idea, or a person.  You can verbalize with your mouth that you believe it to be true.  But the real indicator, the litmus test of your belief can only be seen in your day-to-day actions and in your life.

Many of us profess to know Christ, in actuality do not really know Him.  We claim to believe in Him, but our lifestyles, our choices and our resulting consequences indicate otherwise.  Having a “head” knowledge of God, does not equate to having a relationship with Him.  To really know Him is to love Him.  To really know Him is to spend time with Him.

A relationship with Christ has similar components to a relationship with a fellow human being.  Relationship is the key to hearing from Him — to actually hear Him speak and respond to us personally.  The more we spend time with Him, the more we will be able to hear and know His voice.  The inverse is also true.  The less time we spend with Him, the less likely we are to receive from Him.

It is similar to someone who you have tried to reach out to, but who never answers, who never returns your calls or text messages.  You are actively seeking the person out, but they do not respond.  So after a while, you back you off.  Then all of a sudden, here they come wanting to talk and have deep conversation about what’s going on in their lives and inevitably it comes around to the real reason for the call — what they want from you.

However, because they ignored you when you reached out and didn’t seem to be interested in you  at the time you were interested, you are less inclined to “hear” what they have to say, much less do what they asked of you.   You have somewhat distanced yourself for you realize that this person really doesn’t want to get to know you personally.  They have their own selfish agenda operating.   You realize that if you gave them what they wanted it would not be good for you and that the person is really just using you.

Imagine if someone you know intimately, someone with whom you have spent quality time with and who really knows your heart, asks to borrow a hundred dollars.  There is no question about it.  If you have it, the answer is yes.  On the other hand, if someone you barely know, who is an acquaintance that you see only in passing, and who barely speaks to you, asked to borrow money with intense promises of paying it back, would you be so willing with this person as you were with the person who knows your heart? It sounds crazy, but sadly this is how head knowledge Christians treat God when they want something.

It is very interesting to note how we all of a sudden need to hear a “word from the Lord” and expect Him to answer when we haven’t bothered to crack open the Bible or spend time in prayer or worship.  Yet God, rich in mercy still keeps our hearts beating and our lungs breathing air.  He keeps trying to reach out to us in a soft voice and sometimes loudly through our circumstances and other people.

God knows us “head knowledge children” from a distance.  He sees us coming, but He does not really “know” us.  Often we have the audacity to ask from Him and actually expect Him to move when we don’t even really talk to Him that much.   How must this feel to Him after all He has done for us?  How often have we grieved the Spirit with such behavior? Then we wonder why He doesn’t hear us and our prayers don’t get answered.

For us to move from having a “head” knowledge of God to a real relationship at the heart level, we must humble ourselves.  This means coming to the end of ourselves and realizing that we do not know what we are doing and that without Him we are a mess.  It means submitting our will, our ideas, desires and plans to Him as our Creator and Savior.  In Psalm 138:6 (AMP), we read, “for though the Lord is high, yet has He respect to the lowly [bringing them into fellowship with Him]; but the proud and haughty He knows and recognizes [only] at a distance.”  We want Him to come closer to us and not keep us at a distance.

Secondly, because we have humbled ourselves and He has drawn closer to us, we are now in a position to actually hear Him when he speaks.  Before we were at a distance in our pride and self-sufficiency, but because we have humbled ourselves, He came close enough for us to hear Him.  We are his sheep, His children and as He comes closer we find that we do indeed know the voice of our Savior as shown in John 10: 3-5 (NET) ….”and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name…he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger they will not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers”.  The more we know His voice, the less inclined we are to run after other worldly voices that lead us astray.

Lastly, as we humble ourselves, get closer to Him, and learn to hear His voice, we find that we are learning more and more about Him.  We can clearly see Him at work in our lives up close and personal.  It has now turned into an intimate relationship where we really and truly know Him and He knows us.  We are not some distant stranger only showing up to get something from Him.  We are his beloved children that He knows very well and is more than happy to take care of us.  Not only that, we are walking with Him in the Spirit of Truth and no longer walk in the error so common with those who only have head knowledge as written in 1 John 4: 5 (AMP):

We are [children] of God. Whoever is learning to know God [progressively to perceive, recognize, and understand God by observation and experience, and to get an ever-clearer knowledge of Him] listens to us; and he who is not of God does not listen….By this we know (recognize) the Spirit of Truth and the spirit of error.

We act as if it is difficult to be in a relationship with the One Who created us, but the problem is not Him, it is us.  We tend to be close to people that we spend time with, talk to and share with.  We tend to be far from people that we do not know, do not spend time with and do not talk to.  We did not get this way by accident, but by the design of our Creator. We were created to live life within the context of relationships.  If we are like this with humans, it stands to reason that we are created to function like this with our Creator.  To move from a “head” knowledge of God to actually knowing Him in your heart is simply a matter of working on your relationship with Him.  At the end of the day, it really and truly is all about the relationship.  It is about having a fruitful and meaningful relationship with Him that brings us fulfillment and brings Him glory – “when you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant…” John 15: 5-8 (MSG).

When Your Dream is In Limbo: 3 Keys to Keeping Hope Alive for the Remainder of 2013 – Part 2

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Let’s face the facts.  This time last year as we were finishing out last two months of 2012, we were already beginning to think about what 2013 would look like.  We received prophecies.  We prayed, praised and worshipped.   We began to make confessions.  We began to declare and decree what would happen in 2013.

But alas, it is now November.  The year is far spent.  No doubt 2013 was a year that brought both challenges and blessings.  Not everything we had hoped for has materialized.  We thought for sure that we would be at a certain point, but we are not.  There are dreams and visions still yet un-manifested and unrealized.  We made significant shifts and progress in some areas, but in others we sit in the exact same position that we did in 2012.  What happened, Beloved?  Are you still in limbo?  Are you still waiting?   What hindered you?

Let’s pick up our discussion that began back in August (see When Your Dream is in Limbo – Part 1).  In Part I, we defined what Limbo is:

A region or condition of oblivion or neglect; a state or place of confinement; an imaginary place for lost, forgotten or unwanted persons or things; an unknown intermediate place or condition between two extremes; a region on the border of hell.

 Another way of looking at being in Limbo is also to view it as a season of Transition or Wilderness.  (see other posts regarding Wilderness Seasons and Transitions) We also looked at the first 3 keys to surviving being in Limbo so that we do not lose our minds, faint give up and turn back around: 1) Learning to Be Complete, Content and Rested in Christ; 2) Learning to Have Confident Expectation and 3) Let Him Continually Redeem and Regulate Your Mind while in Limbo.

To survive the remainder of this year without becoming overwhelmed at the prospects of what 2014 could potentially bring and to still keep hope that God will do what He said He would do, let’s look at a few more things.

Have the ROOTS [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him… (Col 2:7, AMP)

Let Him Help you Master and Maintain Your Deliverance while you are in Limbo. You don’t want to lose the valuable lessons and deliverances you learned before the limbo season started.  During the first part of this limbo season, God has rooted something things in you – such as a greater deeper root in Him, greater security in Him, being grounded in Him and His love.  Then there is a brief season of rest.  Then you may transition to a second valley which could be triggered by external circumstances and situations.

This second part of the wilderness experience or transition limbo focuses on rooting out, or purging out the stuff that accumulated in the first wilderness, i.e., mostly negative thought patterns, hurts and wounds not fully addressed or dealt with that accumulated in the first wilderness that would flare up and cause issues in the Promised Land. Note the process. In Wilderness/Limbo #1, God allows situations to develop for you to become dependent on Him and not the opinions of others and thus causing you to be ROOTED IN HIM.  In Wilderness/Limbo #2, God allows circumstances to force you to see your heart again and exposes things in you that need to be ROOTED OUT.  God waits for us to be rooted in Him, so that we could hang on when he begins to root stuff out of us.  We wouldn’t be able to survive the Rooting Out Process if He did it the other way around.  We must be rooted in Him to survive the purging process without giving up on God.  It would kill us.  So God, rich in grace and mercy, left the same character flaws in place while He rooted us in Him , and then when we have established enough root in a certain area, He initiates another purging through to take us through another process.

Thought purging and mindset pattern purging is extremely difficult without the grace and power of the Holy Spirit.  It is a mammoth battle — one not to be taken lightly.  You have to be rooted in Christ before you are in a position to handle this battle with any degree of deliverance or victory.  A key feature of this purging process is the intensity in which the thought patterns assert themselves in circumstances and situations once you are aware of them, repented of them, and actually attempt to focus on what you are thinking about and the right thoughts.  If you are trying to determine if you are in this season, let this be a clue.  THIS IS WARFARE!

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6, NIV)

Learn to Focus -Not Force.  Focus on what God is forming and working in you and your life this at time as we close out 2013.  Do not try to force what or where you think should be.   Let God do His work. He is the creator.  You are His Workmanship.  There is no use in getting anxious about it now.  This could be a potentially great season of your life if you let it.  Don’t worry about what someone else could do or may do or what could potentially happen.  We must trust God.  God is forming a deeper level of humility, grace, discretion, prudence and wisdom in us.  We are being tested in a variety of ways in how to conduct ourselves, how to handle business/financial/personal/family pressures, how to give encouragement to others in the midst of going through ourselves, and how to conduct ourselves in a way that generates trust and respect.  We are being tested in our ability to keep our mouths shut.  We are being forced to humble ourselves in ways never done before.  We are being forced by circumstances to realize a deeper dependency upon Christ that we did not have before.

LOOKING unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith…(Heb 12: 2, KJV)

Look to Christ – Not Yourself & Not the Other Person or Persons.  Realize that as you look to Christ,  and cast the cares of your relationships on Him, that His timing for your deliverance will occur: 1) when you are not looking and sweating about it and; 2) when you are so focused on Him that the situation doesn’t bother you anymore.  Right now, we are still struggling, still learning how to daily cast cares, and how to daily stop re-running and re-hashing the same issues in our minds.  We are still struggling with trying to figure out how someone else is thinking and feeling.  We are still learning how to let it go, how to forgive, how to trust God with our ISSUES.  If we don’t stop looking out our own inadequacies and other people, it could keep is in a Perpetual Limbo, going about in the same old circles this time in 2014.  Beloved, let this not be your testimony!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Phil 4:6, NIV)

Learn to Calm Down –  Christ is Here.  Remember that greater is He that lives in you than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4, KJV).  Christ is in your situation because He dwells in you.  You have the Mind of Christ.  No need to get emotionally depleted because you can’t figure it out and 2013 still looks the opposite from what have believed for.  Christ is right there in the midst of it so you can calm down right now. He is the Prince of Peace and He dwells within YOU.  Peace is the absence of all strife or fighting from within and without.  He is working.  He does all things well (Mark 7:37). If you have been earnestly seeking Him and praying, God is there!  Your motives have been purified. In 2013, you have been doing best you know how in your present situation.  God sees. He has not forgotten you.

I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: FORGETTING WHAT LIES BEHIND and straining forward to what lies ahead..(Phil 3:13, AMP)

Learn to Finally Let Go of the Past in Limbo.  You just can’t drag it with you where you are going.  Let go of unrealistic expectations and your will.  Let them off the hook for what they did to you.  God is your validation and vindication.  For some people in your past, they must stay away from you at a long distance and do not need re-entry into your life at all, because they are emotionally and spiritually toxic for you.  It is totally understandable, healthy and expected for you to disconnect and not engage with such people but still be able to forgive them and pray for them from a far.  It does not mean you are being hard and cold.  It means you are setting healthy boundaries to protect your own life.  Jesus did not die a dishonorable death on the cross to bring you abundant life for you to allow dishonorable people to mess up your life.  Keep your boundaries intact as you move forward in 2013, let them go, don’t think about what happened, and keep it moving.

Until Next Time,

Lady TB

Image source: http://www.saharamet.org/desert/sahara/photos.html