Stop Hustling, Start Healing

Are You Driven or are you CALLED?

Many of us feel so inclined to PUSH, to drive, to PROVE ourselves, to control the outcome, to make things happen!

We are living disconnected from our Source, under the diminishing pressures of a masculine system of DOING rather than a Divine feminine manifestation of BEING. But do we really have a CHOICE? If we stop, who will handle it? We’ve learned that NO one is going to come through for us…the weight is on our shoulders; the burden is on our backs…

This was the call of womanhood in the 21st Century.

For women of color, many times, we see our mothers on the go. Single mothers, working mothers, women who are isolated and struggling to be their own village… Then, we re-create the patterns we’ve seen growing up. We model the superwomen and force ourselves to “stay strong” and “keep it moving!”

What if we STOPPED hustling and took the time to HEAL?

In this era of the HUSTLE…

  • 75-80% of doctors’ visits and illness diagnosed in women are stress related.
  • Autoimmune disorders (lupus, type 1 diabetes) in women have increased by 30%.
  • Women are 40% more likely than men to develop mental illness.

We are overweight, over-worked, over-committed and over-extended. This masculine standard for achieving success is hurting our souls, our bodies, our mental well-being.

God is calling his daughters to RESTORATION.

  • What if we gave our hearts the tender caress it called for?
  • What if we SLOWED down for wisdom and entered into a season of EASE?
  • What if we took time to breathe, to cultivate our inner-garden of peace and spiritual wholeness?What if we ended the masculine model of persecuting and competing with one another and came together for Divine purpose, reclaiming the beauty of wholeness?

It is time to go beyond the force of driveness, and FLOW in Divine Calling….

By Divine design, we were made to RECEIVE. We were made to flow in wisdom and grace..in Queenhood.

You don’t see a QUEEN rushing, worrying or sweating. She reigns in calm poise and spiritual GRACE.

I invite you to be honored, celebrated and spiritually pampered in Girlfriend Therapy: a Sacred Sisterhood Circle Saturday Series, where we minister to the health of your soul.

This Saturday, March 24th 8 AM PACIFIC /10 AM CENTRAL / 11 AM EASTERN

RSVP HERE for this Free Girlfriends Therapy Time

In our time together, my spiritual mentor, Shannon Evette, will speak to the soul of a woman. She will call forth our place of feminine ease and divine grace as we come together as a sisterhood, to COME HOME to the truth of who we are, to be refreshed by the still waters of the Holy Spirit.

Will you join me?

Click here to RSVP

 

Blessings & Love,

 

TB

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Give Yourself Grace

It’s time to acknowledge the fact that you have come a long way from where you first started. Remember the days when you did not know whether you were coming or going (up one day and down the next)?  Remember when peace of mind and emotional freedom were not a part of your life?  Do you remember when that low-level anxiety was always running in the background of your mind? Do you remember all of the internal pain of needing validation from having a relationship or from other people in general?  Do you remember the days when you needed the outside props from men, your job, compliments, designer clothes, and the overall “need to be seen” in order to feel good about yourself?

At some point along the way, you made a huge, significant shift — a giant leap of faith where you actually laid hold of and grasped the promises of God for your very life, your sanity and peace of mind.  By the sheer grace and mercy of God, you found the strength, the wherewithal to actually receive and apply His grace that helped you to arrive at this particular season of your life.  You now walk in greater emotional health and peace of mind.  You know deep down inside that you are loved and valued by God.  You are no longer screeching internally for outside validation.

Now you have been walking the path towards greater degrees of wholeness, you find that the grace that you first walked in now seems a bit elusive.  What happened? You know that you have experienced a mighty deliverance.  You know what God has done in you, for you and through you.  But now the road is a little trickier.  The tests keep coming.  You have suffered to maintain the level of wholeness you now walk in and it is a battle to move to the next level.  What happened? You did run well; who did hinder you…? (Galatians 5:7)

Here are four ways to give yourself grace as you move forward to heal and order your life:

  1. Self-Forgiveness. Give yourself the grace to be a human and make mistakes.  Give yourself the grace of letting yourself off the hook.  God convicts, but does not condemn.  We tend to do the opposite.  We condemn ourselves and with that comes shame.  Shame will always keep you small, living small, dating small, and showing up small.  Forgive yourself and move forward.
  2. Transition Time. Give yourself the grace to transition between seasons and relationships.  Don’t go jumping into a new relationshiop all fast and hard catching feeligns before your soul and heart have had a chance to adequately process and heal from the previous situation.  Protect your heart from rebounding and guard your sanity by giving yourself the grace of transition time.
  3. Permission to Live and Love. Give yourself the grace of permission.  Repeat after me, “I give myself the permission to live and love again.”  It’s okay.  It really is! You are enough and you deserve to be loved and cherished.
  4. Walk Worthy. You are worthy.  Give yourself the grace and permission to walk worthy of the calling and purpose that God as called you too.  You are worth it.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your life has meaning and significance.  Walk like it and act like. Stop hiding out in shame and fear and other excuses.

Give yourself Grace!

 

Tonika

 

What You Resist Persists – How To Let Go in “That” Situation

Hello Wonderful People!!…I know, I know… it’s been a while since I’ve posted… but felt the need to share this one nugget that has been really resonating with me here lately.

What you resist persists….

You know that one, particular situation in your life right now —

  • The “issue” in your current relationship…
  • What happened recently with your child(ren) or on the job…
  • Still struggling trying to find your way – your purpose
  • Your ministry or business struggles
  • The current events of tragedy, trauma and suffering that you may be going thru right now…
  • The loneliness of being without a partner when you have been used to the married life…
  • Single and still waiting for the Right One to appear…
  • Just ending a relationship, still thinking of him/her and secretly keeping an eye on his/her Instagram and Facebook pages…
  • Feeling guilty for reconnecting back with him/her and getting intimate  again just to be left hanging and not returning your calls, texts, acting weird, pulling away, etc.

And the list goes on…

 

No matter where you are right now, as long as you keep fixating on the situation – attempting to figure it out, force it, manipulate or control it, it will remain the same.  If you have your heart set on a certain, particular outcome on that situation and it appears that it is going the opposite direction, as long as you are emotionally and mentally attached to having it manifest in your way, the situation will persist.

What you resist, persists. When we let go, we allow God to flow.  Whenever we attach to a certain outcome and attempt to force our desires in a situation we do the following:

  • Invite a Spirit of Fear & Desperation
  • Invite the Spirit of Impatience & Haste
  • Repel Faith & Grace
  • Get into works of the flesh, pride & ego
  • Attempt to force an outcome according to preconceived notion/fantasy/little movie in our mind.
  • Create a bigger problem & bigger delay
  • Breeds rigidity to a certain way and blocks other creative solutions
  • Breeds insecurity.

Remember, every time fear and panic step in, faith and wisdom step out! This is a huge indicator and a red flag that you have gone too far in your thinking and emotions. When we fall back, chill and trust this creates the space for grace and for God to flow into the situation. When we get into force, figuring, and fixating we dam up the path with our own working and negativity.

When we trust God we are saying, “God, either way this situation goes I know that it is working together for my good according to Romans 8:28.”  Stand on that and believe it TODAY. I encourage you to FALL BACK (do not text him, do not be all worked up, do not run it your mind 85 times), CHILL & TRUST!

Prayer For You

(especially if you are in a tough situation — relationship or otherwise):

Lord, I release my rigidity.  Letting go allows you to flow in my situation.  I understand that by being resistant and fixating on (that person, situation or issue), I will keep the situation with me.   Today I intentionally chose to let go, chill & trust the process. Amen.

TALK2TONIKA CLARITY SESSIONS

Are You….

  • Seeking clarity in your relationship situation?
  • In pain, chaos & confusion?
  • Ready to end it but don’t know how?
  • Feeling in limbo, stuck and unclear in your life overall?

For a limited time, I’m opening up my calendar for 25 minute complimentary clarity coaching sessions for those who are very serious about moving forward in life and in their relationships.  If you are interested in having a complimentary session with me, click HERE to schedule your Talk2Tonika session today!

UPCOMING EVENTS

 

For those of you in the local Raleigh/Durham North Carolina USA area, join me on Sept 16th for the Faith Walkers Live Conference where I will be a facilitator.  The time has 6:30 am for those who want to actually exercise and go on a Faith Walk Duke University before the conference.  However, it is not mandatory, so don’t let that scare you!   Click here to register

Also, don’t forget – I will be in Charlotte, NC as a facilitator for the Heart & Sole Conference / Running on a Broken Heel on October 13-14 and I’d love to see you there. Click here to register!

STAY CONNECTED

 

Download the Periscope app on Google Play or Apple and follow me on Periscope @GetRealBeHealed to catch my live broadcast videos.  I share tons of information on emotional healing and relationships!!!

In Him

 

Tonika