Relationship Laws for Ladies Who Love God

1. I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God, not a position, title, having “Mrs.” in front of my name, not money, my looks, being cute, being smart or being seen.

2. I respect myself enough to lay boundaries in all relationships personally and professionally.

3. I am complete and whole in God; therefore I do not need outside validation or vindication from a man to see how wonderful I am, what a great and lovely lady I am, or what good wife potential I am. I already know that I am all these things. I don’t have to compromise myself or be in a jacked up relationship to prove it.

4. I am a very wise, honest, faithful person of integrity. I am loving and kind. I am wise enough to now realize that not everyone is like me; therefore I exercise sound judgment, wisdom and boundaries in my daily life, especially when it comes to men. I no longer naively assume that just because a man proclaims to be a Christian, a minister, a pastor, etc. that it means he has good intentions or is true. I realize that because a man can speak “Christianese”, knows the Bible, can pray and preach does not mean he is “THE ONE”. He still got to past the basic character tests of honesty and reliability. I know people by their fruit not by what they say.

5. I attract creative, exciting, supportive, positive, godly, faithful, visionary, smart and wonderful people, both males and females in my life. I can now be friends with a man without thinking “IS HE THE ONE?” I can enjoy male friendship without the foolishness of weird feelings and questionings. I can just be my best self and let God lead, guide and order my relationships. I have a full and abundant life.

6. I attract emotionally, mentally and spiritually whole people in my life now. I have no need to have unhealthy, sick malfunctioning men in order to prove anything or to be their Savior. I am not responsible for their burdens, sins, issues, and brokenness and healing. That is between them and Jesus. I will NOT relax my boundaries to accommodate their issues, thus damming up my own healing and blessings. Because I am fixed, helped and healed by Jesus, I no longer have the need to fix, help or heal a man. I am now complete in Christ and know who I am, a Daughter of the King, living in His courts and will not go beneath my place of being seated in heavenly places to roll around in the pig pen to help someone and get my own self dirty and hurt. I no longer need to fix someone else to validate my self-worth and value as a good woman. I know I am good.

7. I live very gracefully, very poised, very well pulled together and am continuously working towards improvement and order. I will no longer tolerate chaotic individuals, with lots of mess and unresolved issues operating that will spill over into my life. Thus I maintain a higher level of peace and order in my life.

8. I attract whole men who I would compliment and who would compliment me. We are icing on each other’s cakes, not two half baked cakes, falling apart attempting to come together, making a bigger mess. I am a Whole Loaf. Therefore I will not scrape around begging, looking and expecting for crumbs from a man, or live off past stale crumbs. I no longer attract crumby men. I attract Whole Loaf Men.

9. I make note of and pay attention to ANY AND ALL, EVERY LAST SIGN OF ANYTHING THAT IS A TRUE RED FLAG in relationships. I can give people the benefit of the doubt, but I now am more sensitive and quickly take heed to warning signs and signals, because I have learned to trust myself. I have learned that if I am praying in the Spirit, staying in the Word of God, trusting Him to lead me that He is indeed truly doing that and I can truly trust that warning or check in my spirit. I only have close relationships with people whose walk equals their talk and whose words and actions match. If I see otherwise, I leave them alone.

10. I stay away from anyone who would attempt to cause me to compromise myself or values in any way, shape form or fashion. I flee from any individual or circumstance that conflicts with:
a. Godly laws, principles, values and morals, including sex before marriage
b. Common Sense and Wisdom
c. Cause immediate harm and damage
d. Cause emotional, mental, spiritual pain, anxiety, torment or turmoil
e. Compromise the call and purpose of God for my life

11. I stay in fellowship and accountable to people who I know truly love and care about me and who will tell me the truth. I walk in reality and not fantasy. I am able to distinguish and discern truth. I immerse myself in the Word of God; I stay in tune with the Holy Spirit who is also known as the Spirit of Truth. I heed wise counsel, realizing that I do not know it all. I heed wise counsel even if it hurts my feelings and makes me mad at first. This means I stay humble.

12. I refuse to allow myself to be self-deceived in the name of Jesus because I am too proud, ashamed or embarrassed to face the truth about any situation. I no longer have to isolate myself in shame or embarrassment. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can live again.

13. I have no need to get in a man’s head, obsessing, analyzing, over thinking, and immersing myself in his world, trying to figure him out. It does not take all that. If it does, something is wrong.

14. I work for myself first. This means that I allow God to work in me and through me to #1, heal and restore me FIRST, then others. My work blesses ME FIRST, then others. This means that I will utilize the gifts and talents I have for God to benefit myself and others in a Healthy and Balanced way. This means that I will not allow myself to be used by someone in the name of fixing/helping/healing/proving/validating and following a fantasy and still left with nothing to benefit me. I am discreet and cautious and wise about giving of myself, time, talents and money to anyone not in my immediate family, but especially to a man without the true commitment.

15. I end relationships immediately when I can clearly see that it is not working. I learn the lesson and LET IT GO.

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God Will Not Let You Rot In This Spot!

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Note from LadyTB: I originally wrote this in late 2009 while in The Spot and am just now publishing for first time.

Sometimes it feels like you have been spinning around in the same mess for so long.  You have fasted, prayed, repented of every known sin.  You asked God to kill your flesh.  You have humbled yourself.  You have surrendered (with great struggle) the best you know how.

You still keep messing up and making mistakes.  You have asked God to take your life.  You have prayed that he would take your mess and somehow use it for his benefit and glory.

You know that God has heard your prayers, but yet there is no tangible evidence of anything happening. You tied a knot in your rope and hung on until it broke, so now you are barely hanging on a strand.

As a matter of fact, things look worse now than when you first started.  You get assaulted in your mind from every side – every possible negative thought that could be thought about your situation you think about.  Every worse case scenario is fully played out.  You began to judge yourself and blame others for your condition.  You began to worry, reason, analyze, figure and finagle on how you got here and what you need to do.  You see all of your mistakes and the mistakes of those closest to you.  You see your flaws and their flaws too.

You have so much to say and feel that there is so much left unsaid.  You are at your wits end.  You have given up your way, your thinking and you cling desperately to God, waiting for your change to come.  You pray for God to cover you, help you strengthen you when everything in you wants to run away.  You feel as though you are not getting “your needs” met, that this isn’t how it was supposed to be, that your reality is no where close to what you are believing for.  You make one step forward and five steps backward.  You think it’s the devil holding you back (sure he is involved of course, then you think it is because of your mistakes and your flesh (that plays a huge role too). Then you also realize that God must be part of the hold up too— as a matter of fact, He controls all circumstances so it is safe to say that HE IS THE ONE who holds the key and is delaying for specific and strategic reasons.

At the end of every day and at the dawn of each new day, you wonder “Will this be the day that my captivity turns?”  Will we stay like this forever?  Are we being punished and suffering because of our mistakes?  Is God delaying us because we can never seem to have enough faith, we still keep messing up with our mouth, our confession our thoughts and our wild and unruly flesh that wants to seek for itself and not submit to God?  We think and we know that if it depended upon us to get us out of our mess, that we would make the mess even bigger and so we blame ourselves for our own role in our own mess and then we think that because of this our dreams, hopes, prayers, desires, all of the good things that we believe God wants us to do have been shut down and will never come to pass.

We think we will rot and die right here.  We think that we will stay the same way forever.  Hope seems distant and elusive.  It takes all the faith you can to muster up the strength to keep on keeping on when it is so hard.

My friends I come to tell you that God will not let you rot in your spot.  God sees us.  He is using every thing that is going on in the Spot to make you better and stronger.  He is humbling you.  He is cleaning you up.  He is purging you to receive the manifestation of your dreams.

There is a due season, an appointed season, a right season.  When He doesn’t answer our prayers right away we’re forced to trust Him more. When He allows us to suffer it brings depth and strength and compassion into our lives.

Dying to our willful way of doing things that make sense to us in the short-term, immediacy of our need and desires but the long-term always creating pain and suffering because we are basing decisions on fear and what we see with our natural eyes.   The outcome of these types of decisions and this type of lifestyle always brings suffering on some level to not only yourself but those whose lives you touch.  God woos us in these moments of suffering to bring us to back to Him and His Love.  We then turn from our error and submit to him.  Then our love matures, so does our level of faith.

God is not in a hurry.  Your fleshy hurry is partly why you are in the Spot.  God simply waited for you to get to the Spot and then he lets you sit in the Spot until you learn the lesson of the Spot.

You will be delivered from the Spot when you learn the lesson of the Spot, when you stop fighting in the Spot.  When you remain faithful in the Spot.  When you keep believing in the Spot.  When you keep serving in the Spot.  When you keep praising in the Spot.  While you are in the spot, you are getting stronger.  The same stupid stuff that got you all bent out of shape in your pre-spot phase don’t faze you anymore.

James 1: 2 -3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Romans 5: 3-5 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Because of being the Spot, you can now handle some pressure.  The Spot helped you to speak the Word only.  Being in the Spot gave you some humility and some compassion.  The people that you snubbed your nose at and looked down upon all of a sudden you got some understanding about them and you realize that it is God’s grace that you do as well as you do.

All of a sudden, you don’t feel so high and mighty anymore because all of the stuff you based on your value and worth in were removed in the Spot.  In the Spot you learned what real love is.  In the Spot, you learned some patience and how to be emotionally stable when all hell breaks loose.  In the Spot is where you learned how to fight.  Little imps and demons used to have you off the deep end mentally in two seconds flat don’t even faze you anymore.

Truthfully speaking, it is because of what you prayed for that you are in the Spot.  You had to go to the Spot.  If you can’t handle the Spot, then you can’t handle the blessing that come after it without falling apart and getting heady in yourself and not the power of God.  The place of blessing is wonderful but rest assured my friend that you won’t get it without a fight and you won’t maintain it without a fight.  If you can’t handle the fight in the Spot, then you won’t maintain any victory in the Blessing.

Know this, if you keep your hand in God’s hands, be humble, remain faithful, walk close to the Lord and speak the word and pray during the Spot, you will not remain there.  Oh no, you will not rot in the Spot.  You shall rise.  You shall be resurrected.  There will be a better day.  Don’t judge your entire life, by the Spot season.  Endure and press on.  You will not Rot in the Spot!