Why are you rushing your healing process? Take the time you need.



Hurry up and look cute…

Hurry up and heal…

Hurry up and post cute pics

Hurry up and show the world that I look good and am okay… (Shannon Evette)

Why are you rushing your healing process? Take the time you need.  You live before an audience of One – Your Creator – God.  Not folks on Facebook and Instagram. If you don’t take the time to recover and heal, you will repeat the same cycle.  #Healing #Release #RecoverOrRepeat #GetRealBeHealed #SelfWorth #TakeYourTime


The 2 Reasons Why You Are Going Thru


I don’t know about you, but I really do not like to “go thru”.   Going through tough times, situations, circumstances is HARD.  It isn’t fun.  Who likes struggling?  Who likes having to smile on the outside but on the inside you are crying?  No one.

Yet, in the midst of going through a hard situation, life continues to move forward.  The world does not stop just because we are going through.  As a matter of fact, sometimes the pace of our lives speeds up the moment we hit a trial or a rough patch.

For me, sometimes right in the midst of emotional turmoil or feeling bad on the inside is when it appears that all eyes are on me and I must perform. I must keep it moving. I must show up fully even when I am struggling.  Just because I go through doesn’t mean I can hide out or make excuses as to why I can’t.  I must go through my “go thru” and so do you!

Over the years of enduring a variety of assaults, tests, temptations, struggles against my mind, emotions, children, finances, relationships I have discovered two primary reasons why God allows us to “go thru” —- Our Growth and His Glory.  Every trial, temptation, test and struggle if fully allowed to do its work inside of us, will automatically do two things:  Grow us up and Give God the Glory.  Whether or not our “go thru” situations are initiated by Satan, poor choices, or God allowing — our Growth and His Glory are the only two main things that God cares about.

Our Growth

And He told them this parable: A certain man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it, but did not find [any].  So he said to the vinedresser, See here! For these three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree and I find none.  Cut it down! Why should it continue also to use up the ground [to deplete the soil, intercept the sun, and take up room]?  But he replied to him, Leave it alone, sir, [just] this one more year, till I dig around it and put manure…Luke 13: 6-8 (AMP)

Just like this fig tree, we are supposed to grow and produce fruit in our lives.  We are not here to deplete the soil, intercept the sun and take up room on this planet yet fail to live fruitful, God-honoring and effective lives for God.  We were created for His Glory.  He doesn’t get glory when we fail to grow to our full potential. As human beings, as long as we have the basic necessities of life, i.e., food, clothing and shelter, we will grow physically into adulthood.  As we grow physically, we will inevitably grow mentally to the extent we need to navigate this world.  However, higher levels of thinking, emotional and spiritual growth are intentional choices.  We must deliberately and intentionally choose to change and do better.  This is no easy feat.

Often times, the only way we can grow is to be put in situations of pressure and change (manure) that it literally forces us to dig deep and in order to survive. It is only under the pressure cooker of the stress (manure) that we can truly expand our capacity.  We only produce lasting fruit when we are stretched outside of our standard comfort zone.  But, once you have experienced growth in a certain area, once you have stretched your capacity, once you see that you can do it, you will never be the same!  This is what the trial, the test, the tribulation does for us.  Once we come to the other side of the test, we realize that we are not the same person who went into the test.  Once we have lived through the “manure” we realize that we can handle way much more than what we thought.  We come through stronger, more resilient and with a greater capacity to receive and retain greater revelations and blessings from God because we can be trusted to handle it.  Why can we be trusted?  Because we passed the Test and we learned the Lesson of the Test!

The biggest key to making the most out of a “go thru” experience is to make sure that you truly learn the lesson.  Gain all the wisdom you can while you are in it.  This means getting quiet and reflecting on it.  I have learned that when I navigate struggles correctly I receive a greater amount of wisdom. Why pay a high price for a lesson (manure) and still refuse to learn?  And when I think back on my life — how much lost money, time, emotional energy did I spend, but still didn’t learn because I didn’t take the time to reflect on it. We lose a boatload of wisdom that we could’ve gained simply from not reflecting and thinking about what we went thru! There is a way to suffer (endure manure) according to the will of God, there is also a way to suffer that is not accordingly to the will of God.  Suffering will change you, but not always for the best —- you have to make an intentional choice to grow and learn the lesson of the test!

His Glory

Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit: so shall ye be my disciples John 15.8 (KJV)

There are those who claim that positive messages and prosperity teaching is way off base.  I beg to differ.  God is not glorified when we are living in lack, failing to produce fruit, in want and in need due to our own failure to think better and do better. Here is how He is glorified as indicated in the verse above: when we BEAR MUCH FRUIT.  Note the word MUCH.  It is not a little bit.  Much Fruit.  It is spiritual fruit first that then manifests in the natural.  Fruit of the Spirit and with that we should see a tangible outward manifestation of our fruit that not only enables us to live and enjoy our lives naturally but to also impact and bless others in a meaningful way.  Our God is big, great and very powerful.  He created a very big, wonderful and prosperous earth.  His original intent and design was that we be fruitful and multiply on this earth since He gave us dominion over it in the first place.  He gets the most Glory when we are prosperous in our souls, bodies and spirit.  He gets the most Glory when we walk in health.  He gets the most Glory when our lives are so blessed that we can help others become fruitful and multiply in their lives.  This is called bearing fruit.

As long as we keep in mind that at the end of the day, ALL of the Glory belongs to God and not us, we will be in alignment.  The moment that we allow our flesh and pride take first seat, is the moment we set ourselves up for a fall.  It is the moment where we must take one more trip around the manure mountain so that we can re-learn the lesson one more time.   In all things, He gets the glory. As a matter of fact, we were created for His glory, not our own glory.

I heard someone say, “We use our coat rack to hang our coats on.  God created man to hang His glory on.”  Catch that!  God wants to hang His glory on us!  For that to happen we must be in alignment by making the choice to go thru, grow up and bear fruit.  We must learn the lesson of every test and struggle so that we do not repeat it.  We must be willing to be stretched so that we can handle the mantle of the blessing and glory that He has in store for us!

Beloved, don’t lose heart or become discouraged in your season of “go thru”.  Go thru knowing that all things are ultimately working together for Your Growth and His Glory.

Until Next Time,


For more information on breaking free from dead-end relationships and walking in completeness, order your copy of Get Out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! A Christian Woman’s Guide on How to Get Real, Healed & Move On TODAY! Available at http://www.amazon.com in paperback or Kindle or for an autographed copy go to http://www.tonikabreeden.com.

Do You Have a “Head” Knowledge or A “Heart” Knowledge of Christ?


There is a difference between knowing about something or someone in your head and actually knowing in your heart.  You can mentally believe in a concept, an idea, or a person.  You can verbalize with your mouth that you believe it to be true.  But the real indicator, the litmus test of your belief can only be seen in your day-to-day actions and in your life.

Many of us profess to know Christ, in actuality do not really know Him.  We claim to believe in Him, but our lifestyles, our choices and our resulting consequences indicate otherwise.  Having a “head” knowledge of God, does not equate to having a relationship with Him.  To really know Him is to love Him.  To really know Him is to spend time with Him.

A relationship with Christ has similar components to a relationship with a fellow human being.  Relationship is the key to hearing from Him — to actually hear Him speak and respond to us personally.  The more we spend time with Him, the more we will be able to hear and know His voice.  The inverse is also true.  The less time we spend with Him, the less likely we are to receive from Him.

It is similar to someone who you have tried to reach out to, but who never answers, who never returns your calls or text messages.  You are actively seeking the person out, but they do not respond.  So after a while, you back you off.  Then all of a sudden, here they come wanting to talk and have deep conversation about what’s going on in their lives and inevitably it comes around to the real reason for the call — what they want from you.

However, because they ignored you when you reached out and didn’t seem to be interested in you  at the time you were interested, you are less inclined to “hear” what they have to say, much less do what they asked of you.   You have somewhat distanced yourself for you realize that this person really doesn’t want to get to know you personally.  They have their own selfish agenda operating.   You realize that if you gave them what they wanted it would not be good for you and that the person is really just using you.

Imagine if someone you know intimately, someone with whom you have spent quality time with and who really knows your heart, asks to borrow a hundred dollars.  There is no question about it.  If you have it, the answer is yes.  On the other hand, if someone you barely know, who is an acquaintance that you see only in passing, and who barely speaks to you, asked to borrow money with intense promises of paying it back, would you be so willing with this person as you were with the person who knows your heart? It sounds crazy, but sadly this is how head knowledge Christians treat God when they want something.

It is very interesting to note how we all of a sudden need to hear a “word from the Lord” and expect Him to answer when we haven’t bothered to crack open the Bible or spend time in prayer or worship.  Yet God, rich in mercy still keeps our hearts beating and our lungs breathing air.  He keeps trying to reach out to us in a soft voice and sometimes loudly through our circumstances and other people.

God knows us “head knowledge children” from a distance.  He sees us coming, but He does not really “know” us.  Often we have the audacity to ask from Him and actually expect Him to move when we don’t even really talk to Him that much.   How must this feel to Him after all He has done for us?  How often have we grieved the Spirit with such behavior? Then we wonder why He doesn’t hear us and our prayers don’t get answered.

For us to move from having a “head” knowledge of God to a real relationship at the heart level, we must humble ourselves.  This means coming to the end of ourselves and realizing that we do not know what we are doing and that without Him we are a mess.  It means submitting our will, our ideas, desires and plans to Him as our Creator and Savior.  In Psalm 138:6 (AMP), we read, “for though the Lord is high, yet has He respect to the lowly [bringing them into fellowship with Him]; but the proud and haughty He knows and recognizes [only] at a distance.”  We want Him to come closer to us and not keep us at a distance.

Secondly, because we have humbled ourselves and He has drawn closer to us, we are now in a position to actually hear Him when he speaks.  Before we were at a distance in our pride and self-sufficiency, but because we have humbled ourselves, He came close enough for us to hear Him.  We are his sheep, His children and as He comes closer we find that we do indeed know the voice of our Savior as shown in John 10: 3-5 (NET) ….”and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name…he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger they will not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers”.  The more we know His voice, the less inclined we are to run after other worldly voices that lead us astray.

Lastly, as we humble ourselves, get closer to Him, and learn to hear His voice, we find that we are learning more and more about Him.  We can clearly see Him at work in our lives up close and personal.  It has now turned into an intimate relationship where we really and truly know Him and He knows us.  We are not some distant stranger only showing up to get something from Him.  We are his beloved children that He knows very well and is more than happy to take care of us.  Not only that, we are walking with Him in the Spirit of Truth and no longer walk in the error so common with those who only have head knowledge as written in 1 John 4: 5 (AMP):

We are [children] of God. Whoever is learning to know God [progressively to perceive, recognize, and understand God by observation and experience, and to get an ever-clearer knowledge of Him] listens to us; and he who is not of God does not listen….By this we know (recognize) the Spirit of Truth and the spirit of error.

We act as if it is difficult to be in a relationship with the One Who created us, but the problem is not Him, it is us.  We tend to be close to people that we spend time with, talk to and share with.  We tend to be far from people that we do not know, do not spend time with and do not talk to.  We did not get this way by accident, but by the design of our Creator. We were created to live life within the context of relationships.  If we are like this with humans, it stands to reason that we are created to function like this with our Creator.  To move from a “head” knowledge of God to actually knowing Him in your heart is simply a matter of working on your relationship with Him.  At the end of the day, it really and truly is all about the relationship.  It is about having a fruitful and meaningful relationship with Him that brings us fulfillment and brings Him glory – “when you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant…” John 15: 5-8 (MSG).