Relationship Laws for Ladies Who Love God

1. I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God, not a position, title, having “Mrs.” in front of my name, not money, my looks, being cute, being smart or being seen.

2. I respect myself enough to lay boundaries in all relationships personally and professionally.

3. I am complete and whole in God; therefore I do not need outside validation or vindication from a man to see how wonderful I am, what a great and lovely lady I am, or what good wife potential I am. I already know that I am all these things. I don’t have to compromise myself or be in a jacked up relationship to prove it.

4. I am a very wise, honest, faithful person of integrity. I am loving and kind. I am wise enough to now realize that not everyone is like me; therefore I exercise sound judgment, wisdom and boundaries in my daily life, especially when it comes to men. I no longer naively assume that just because a man proclaims to be a Christian, a minister, a pastor, etc. that it means he has good intentions or is true. I realize that because a man can speak “Christianese”, knows the Bible, can pray and preach does not mean he is “THE ONE”. He still got to past the basic character tests of honesty and reliability. I know people by their fruit not by what they say.

5. I attract creative, exciting, supportive, positive, godly, faithful, visionary, smart and wonderful people, both males and females in my life. I can now be friends with a man without thinking “IS HE THE ONE?” I can enjoy male friendship without the foolishness of weird feelings and questionings. I can just be my best self and let God lead, guide and order my relationships. I have a full and abundant life.

6. I attract emotionally, mentally and spiritually whole people in my life now. I have no need to have unhealthy, sick malfunctioning men in order to prove anything or to be their Savior. I am not responsible for their burdens, sins, issues, and brokenness and healing. That is between them and Jesus. I will NOT relax my boundaries to accommodate their issues, thus damming up my own healing and blessings. Because I am fixed, helped and healed by Jesus, I no longer have the need to fix, help or heal a man. I am now complete in Christ and know who I am, a Daughter of the King, living in His courts and will not go beneath my place of being seated in heavenly places to roll around in the pig pen to help someone and get my own self dirty and hurt. I no longer need to fix someone else to validate my self-worth and value as a good woman. I know I am good.

7. I live very gracefully, very poised, very well pulled together and am continuously working towards improvement and order. I will no longer tolerate chaotic individuals, with lots of mess and unresolved issues operating that will spill over into my life. Thus I maintain a higher level of peace and order in my life.

8. I attract whole men who I would compliment and who would compliment me. We are icing on each other’s cakes, not two half baked cakes, falling apart attempting to come together, making a bigger mess. I am a Whole Loaf. Therefore I will not scrape around begging, looking and expecting for crumbs from a man, or live off past stale crumbs. I no longer attract crumby men. I attract Whole Loaf Men.

9. I make note of and pay attention to ANY AND ALL, EVERY LAST SIGN OF ANYTHING THAT IS A TRUE RED FLAG in relationships. I can give people the benefit of the doubt, but I now am more sensitive and quickly take heed to warning signs and signals, because I have learned to trust myself. I have learned that if I am praying in the Spirit, staying in the Word of God, trusting Him to lead me that He is indeed truly doing that and I can truly trust that warning or check in my spirit. I only have close relationships with people whose walk equals their talk and whose words and actions match. If I see otherwise, I leave them alone.

10. I stay away from anyone who would attempt to cause me to compromise myself or values in any way, shape form or fashion. I flee from any individual or circumstance that conflicts with:
a. Godly laws, principles, values and morals, including sex before marriage
b. Common Sense and Wisdom
c. Cause immediate harm and damage
d. Cause emotional, mental, spiritual pain, anxiety, torment or turmoil
e. Compromise the call and purpose of God for my life

11. I stay in fellowship and accountable to people who I know truly love and care about me and who will tell me the truth. I walk in reality and not fantasy. I am able to distinguish and discern truth. I immerse myself in the Word of God; I stay in tune with the Holy Spirit who is also known as the Spirit of Truth. I heed wise counsel, realizing that I do not know it all. I heed wise counsel even if it hurts my feelings and makes me mad at first. This means I stay humble.

12. I refuse to allow myself to be self-deceived in the name of Jesus because I am too proud, ashamed or embarrassed to face the truth about any situation. I no longer have to isolate myself in shame or embarrassment. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can live again.

13. I have no need to get in a man’s head, obsessing, analyzing, over thinking, and immersing myself in his world, trying to figure him out. It does not take all that. If it does, something is wrong.

14. I work for myself first. This means that I allow God to work in me and through me to #1, heal and restore me FIRST, then others. My work blesses ME FIRST, then others. This means that I will utilize the gifts and talents I have for God to benefit myself and others in a Healthy and Balanced way. This means that I will not allow myself to be used by someone in the name of fixing/helping/healing/proving/validating and following a fantasy and still left with nothing to benefit me. I am discreet and cautious and wise about giving of myself, time, talents and money to anyone not in my immediate family, but especially to a man without the true commitment.

15. I end relationships immediately when I can clearly see that it is not working. I learn the lesson and LET IT GO.


Settle It In Your Soul: YOU Have Been Made Whole


“And You are Complete in Him…” Col 2:10

Complete: having all necessary parts, elements, or steps; fully carried out; total; absolute. Whole: mentally or emotionally sound; having all proper parts or components; constituting an undivided unit; unbroken, complete or total.

To be complete in Christ is a very interesting and somewhat challenging statement to comprehend, yet here it is, in the Holy Scripture.  Paul wrote that we are Complete in Jesus Christ.  Completeness is another word for Wholeness.  You cannot be Whole but yet be incomplete.  You cannot be Complete yet lack wholeness.  We receive and walk in this Completeness and Wholeness when we receive and accept Christ.  But then we think, how in the world can I be complete, when I can clearly see that I have some major issues going on?  I see how I act and behave.  I know the thoughts that I think.   I know what I am struggling with.  But this verse still sits here, loud and clear, with the proclamation that in Christ I am Complete.

What exactly does this mean? It means that without Christ I am indeed a broken, hot and incomplete mess.  It means that with Christ living on the inside of me, I am restored to Completeness with him.  In Him I live, In Him I move and have my being (Acts 17:28).  It means that when I abide in him and He abides in me that my life will be fruitful.  Otherwise, my life will be nothing (John 15:4-5).

For me to walk out this completeness on a daily basis requires several key things. But right now we are going to focus on this one issue: BELIEF.  I must BELIEVE in my heart and mind I am indeed complete in Him.  I must make it part of my conscious and subconscious reality that I am a Complete and Whole Child of God, that I am not a falling apart person barely hanging on at the end of my rope.  It is about perception.  It is about remembering where God brought me from.  It is about deliberately canceling, crucifying and capturing the negative lies, thoughts, words, etc that the enemy puts in my head about myself.

What sense does it make to profess being complete in Christ, to walk around claiming wholeness but then turn around and self-sabotage by beating yourself up over every mistake, over your past, over the all consequences that are still yet unfolding?  What sense does it make to engage in self-flogging?  Why do we beat up ourselves and allow the lies and wrong thinking to overtake us?  We undermine our completeness every time we do this.  We give satan a chance to laugh and snicker at us because he is the one who starts it.  We take the bait, run with it in our imagination and he sits back and laughs.  He did very little work other than plant the thought. We did all the beating ourselves.

Once the mental and emotional self-flogging episode is finished, we are now broken again, picking up the pieces and wondering how we got here yet again.  Christ looks on us with pity and love, waiting for us to step back into the Wholeness and Completeness that he took the flogging for us to walk in.  He looks at us in love while we engage in destructive behavior and waits.

Wholeness and Completeness at its core is a fundamental belief that you are rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God.  No matter what you have been through, no matter what you have done if you have received, believed and confessed Jesus Christ into your heart, you have been MADE WHOLE.  Yes, it is a process to walk out in the natural as your soul and your body catches up with your spirit.  Yes, it is a process for your mind and emotions to undo and unlearn the lies that you have believed and walked in.  Yes, it is a process to re-train your brain to righteousness, completeness, and dependency upon Christ living in you instead of relying on yourself.  However, it is absolutely imperative and crucial to know deep in your heart that you are seated in heavenly places with Christ (Eph. 2:6), that you are saved and that you are hidden in Him.  You are Complete.

Think about this.  An apple seed has all of the components necessary to grow and develop into a full-fledged apple tree capable of producing hundreds of apples.  The seed is very tiny and looks like nothing.  But it is Complete.  The seed is whole.  It is not a full grown tree.  It needs to be placed in the proper environment for it to grow into the fullness of the apple tree.  Because it is in seed form does not mean that it is worthless. It does not mean that it is broken or messed up or that something is wrong with it.   It has to go through its process.

A furry caterpillar crawling on the ground is a complete worm.  It has all of the genetic coding within it necessary for it to turn into a complete butterfly.  But right now it looks like a creepy worm.  But inside it is a complete beautiful butterfly.  We do not denigrate the little worm because it is not a fully formed butterfly.  The caterpillar is not going around hurting itself and complaining because it cannot behave or function like a butterfly. It has to go through its process.

It is the same way for us.  Just because we are still in the seed state or the caterpillar state doesn’t mean we are not whole or that we are incomplete.  We are still in process.  We are still working out our own soul salvation.  We are still growing in him.  He that has begun a good work in his will complete it (Phil 1:6).  Our God is a perfecting and performing God.  He perfects the things that concern us. He performs all things for us (Ps 138:8, Ps. 57:2).

We have yet to arrive into the Fullness and Completeness of our Destiny in Christ.  There is no time to waste on complaining and self-sabotaging ourselves through unbelief and unruly thinking.  This must become a settled, established issue if we expect to complete our process.   We can settle this issue by confessing the Word of wholeness and completeness over our lives daily; 2) by spending time daily in prayer and reflection and; 3) by being in healthy fellowship and relationship with others (no isolation).  These three things help solidify and establish wholeness, completeness and connection which are vital for any human being to move through his or her process.  Any aspect of these things missing will perpetuate the cycle of brokenness over time.  Settle these issues.  Settle Your Heart.  Settle it in Your Soul — You have been made Whole!

Why Isn’t God Moving Yet?


Many of us are not where we used to be, but we are still not yet where we want be.  In every area of our lives – careers, family, ministry callings, educational goals, finances, and relationships we are either solidly in one season, between seasons, or actually in the early stages of a new season. How do we successfully navigate the time between seasons without losing it, giving up in frustration and questioning what God is doing?  How can we trust what God doing this time when it looks like nothing is going on or at least nothing that we like.

During this season, don’t resist what is going on by fuming on the inside and creating internal resistance.  God is working whether you realize it or not.  Learn to be complete, content and rested in Him. This is a time of deeper healing of issues, purging and preparation to get you ready for the next season.  This is not a time to struggle and strive to be where you think you should be.  This is not a time to try to “make” something happen.  Take the time to actually get quiet and think about where you are.  Be still and know that He is the God of all of your seasons.  Contemplate the fact that regardless of your situation, that you are complete in Him who is the head of all principalities and powers (Colossians 2:9-10).  The fullness of the Godhead is expressed in the nature of Christ.  If you are Complete in Christ, then the complete Godhead dwells in you.  In Him you live, in Him you move and in Him you have all of your being (Acts 17:28 AMP).  You are rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in His love. He has begun a good work in you and God will finish what he started. (Ephesians 3:19, Colossians 2:6 & Philippians 1:6 AMP)

What does this mean in your practical, day-to-day experience while you are waiting on deliverance, healing, manifestation of a prayer, dream or desire?  What does this mean in the daily grind of going to work, paying bills, dealing with spouses and children, people at work and general aggravating life stuff? This means that you have no reason to sweat while waiting on your God given dreams to manifest.  You have no reason to fret.  You have no reason to become emotionally and mentally unglued.  You can take a chill pill.  If you really deep down inside believe that you are Complete in the One Who Has All Power, then you have no reason to trip at all about your situation.  This will bring Him Glory.  This will cause you to be able to be still and KNOW that He is God (Psalm 46:10).

Because you have Christ’s completeness operating in you, He will put the right words in your mouth at the right time and will order your steps to your next ordained season.  As you take the time to be quiet and not resist during this season, you will begin to have peace and it is in the peaceful state that you are able to listen to the small voice that nudges you on what to do next.  You cannot afford to allow yourself to get all anxious and excited, spinning your wheels trying to figure out what to do next in order to make something happen.  This causes unnecessary delays and blocks this quiet process.  It is much easier to walk into your next season by quiet revelation than by anxious mental toil.

You are complete in the One who created you, numbered the hairs on your head, who knows when you lay down and when you get up, who knows what you are going to say before you think it, and who holds your tears in a bottle.  You are created child of God.  You did not make yourself.  He made you.  Therefore, it stands to reason that He knows best what to do with your life.  He knows the past, the present and the future.  All you know is the past and the present (in a limited way at that).  He knows how to create the exact situations necessary to build in your character in order to produce what He intends to achieve out of your life for HIS purposes and to bring you fullness and joy.  You didn’t create yourself, therefore you do not get the glory and neither should you try to force your way.  He is God.

God is working and waiting to receive maximum glory for Himself out of your life.  It is not to fulfill your emotional need, prove something to everyone else, show off how smart/good/got it together/going on you got it, not for everyone else to see your greatness, not to ease your pain or discomfort or to get some money/financial increase.  This is where a lot of us stumble and get stuck.  God can’t trust us that he will get the glory when we have these impure or mixed motives for wanting what we want.  Again, it is a matter of being complete in Him; therefore the above reasons would no longer be an issue once our motivations are pure.  This is why the in-between time is so crucial.  By the time everything does come together, you will be so different and changed and humbled, you will have no problem giving God the glory.  By the time your change comes, Christ will be more fully formed in you than if God gave you what you wanted when you asked in your pride, immaturity, selfishness, and vain thinking.

While you are waiting be encouraged and remember: Our God is a performing and perfecting God.  He performs all things for us (Ps 57.4) .  He perfects the things that concern us (Ps. 138:8).  All things are possible with him. (Matt 19:26).  He is just simply not in a hurry.  According to a popular writer, Catherine Ponder, God waits for order to be established in our current circumstances before he allows the next development.  He allows things to happen in the fullness of time and in due season.  God is methodical and clever.  He knows exactly what he is doing and He has a higher understanding of your situation than you do therefore He will answer and come through for you in a way that is higher than what you thought if you just believe Him.