The Three Kinds of Couples + LoveRESET Masterclass

 

Greetings Dear Subscriber!

I was thinking the other day.

How often we log into Instagram and Facebook and see the beautiful couple pics – holding hands, at a nice restaurant, with the kids, after church, someplace outside with a gorgeous background…

You know which ones I am talking about – the perfect looking married or dating couple with the perfect pics. Some have lots of emoji’s & mushy language.  Sometimes there are others with lots of TMI and oversharing!

But follow them home.  Things may not be as rosy in the real life as it appears to be in their offline life. Honestly, the ones who share too much, are more of a red flag because it appears that they are relationally insecure.  Why? Those who overshare need the outside validity that they are okay and that their relationship is okay.

There are three types of Couples:

The Cute Couple: The #Instacouple with perfectly curated, captured and posed “relfies” (relationship selfies). The validity of their relationship ebbs and falls based on number of likes & comments on social media. They are too busy adjusting the filter and coming up with the right #hashtag instead of working on their relationship. Instead of being in the moment of these carefully curated and crafted pictures, they are too busy posing and posting to be truly PRESENT in the relationship.  When the pics are done, they may not even be really speaking to or engaging with each other at all.  They are image and Instagram conscious, not internally conscious.

The Couple of Convenience: These are the couples who are together because of shared history — NOT shared vision, purpose, goals and dreams.  They may have lost or never had a truly deep emotional and spiritual connection.  They are together for materials, religious, and financial reasons.  The other person makes their life easier and they are “good enough”.  They are settling. They stay with the other person because of a perceived lack if they were not there – not because the other person actually ADDS to their life.

The Called Couple: These are the couples who are mutually aligned in purpose and who are each other’s equal on multiple dimensions (not JUST spiritually equally yoked).  Individually, each one comes to the relationship table already full (not thirsty), living fruitful lives and are emotionally ready for a real relationship. These are the ones who see their relationship as more than just about them, but for a higher purpose.  These are the ones committed to personal growth individually as well as a couple.

Which couple are you? If you are in a CALLED relationship, many blessings and let me know!  What are you doing to maintain at that high level?  If you are not in a relationship, where have found yourself in previous relationships and what are you doing NOW to be ready for the level of maturity that being in a CALLED relationship requires?

To learn more about these couples — Watch the video I created on this very topic (click here for the link) – https://www.periscope.tv/GetRealBeHealed/1OyKAQrqVYDKb

If you are not in a relationship and desire to be ready for a CALLED kind of Love, come be a part of a series of FREE Live Closed Mentorship sessions with me at bit.ly/LoveRESET.  I’m transitioning to a higher level of conversation about love for those who are ready to join me on this journey.  If you have cut the ties, done the work and are actively taking steps to walk in purpose, come check it out.  It’s totally free. Walk with me!

Love Tonika

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Timing & Alignment: The Fullness of Time

If you can’t tell, I’m still in this flow on the Timing of God.  I find it quite fascinating because even though we intellectually know that God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, we still mistrust His timing in our lives.

As a result we get distracted and derailed into misaligned connections, situations and relationships.  We get caught up in relationships and situations that are far from God’s best because we made decisions rooted in fear, desperation, sensuality, brokenness, and emotions.

It’s all about timing, timing and timing.  Let’s take a moment and look at these aspects of time and learn how to better appreciate and trust God with our lives so that we do not get out of alignment, run ahead of God, make bigger messes, delays and/or distractions.

Let’s learn to discern our times and seasons so that when the right time comes, we are ready for the next level, the new relationship, the new business, ministry or opportunity.

Let’s develop and deepen personal self-esteem and personal wholeness so that when the time comes, we are truly ready.

Timing & Aligning

There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven. Eccl 3:1 AMP

I heard this quote from Shannon Evette – “No more hustling – only aligning.” If align with God’s time, there is no need to hustle hard for a relationship, a connection, a business opportunity, personal/spiritual growth, your ordained purpose or anything else.  Hustle is defined as “to move hurriedly or unceremoniously in a specified direction” or to “obtain by forceful action or persuasion” whereas align is defined as to be “arranged in proper position or in a line.”  Even if it seems to be slow – remember slow growth is still growth. Slow movement is still moving. I’d rather be slow and in God’s flow, than hustling and frustrated.  Misaligned connections, situations and relationships often occur when we get in a hurry trying to hustle. Get in alignment with God. Get in position. Get in sync with His timing and there will be fruitfulness and flow. #Timing #Seasons #Alignment #Purpose #HustleIsOutdated

Your Times Are In His Hands

My times are in your hands…Ps. 31:15

Our lives are in His hands.  Whenever we try to force a particular outcome in our flesh or ego — when we attempt take our times out of His hands and into our own there will be frustration, fretting and friction.  It feels like striving and fighting.  When we keep our times in His hands, there is an anointing of ease – but it’s NOT easy — you will feel the pressure, there will be effort, there will be work, you wil feel fear, there may be some struggle, but there is a distinct ease and flow that comes along – a certain grace, if you will, for the task at hand.  Remember to keep your times in His Hands today and not take matters into your own.  #InHisHands #MyTimes #Flow #Season #Timing

To have a heart of wisdom, number your days.

So teach us to number our days, that we may get us a heart of wisdom. Ps 90:12

Wisdom begins with the reverential fear of God (Prov. 9:10).  Yet we see above that another aspect of wisdom comes when we accurately discern and wisely utilize our time here on earth. Every time we dwell in the past or worry about the future, we are not wisely stewarding the present moment.  Our purpose is in the NOW.  Energy spent in negative rumination over what happened in the past and in negative rumination over a future fear is time lost when it comes to purpose.  God is a very PRESENT help (Ps 46:10) and behold NOW is the accepted time and day of salvation (2 Cor. 6:2).  I encourage you to let go of every weight of comparison, competition and distraction that so easily besets you and forget those things that lie behind today!  Stay in the moment and stay present. Your purpose and your help comes in the present moment #Wisdom #Present #Now #Timing #Season #Flow #LetGoOfThePast

You are here for such a time as this. Esther 4:14

“We are not in this world in this time and season by chance. Every detour and situation in our lives have converged into this very moment. We have come to the kingdom of God for such a time as this.  We were put here to prosper.  We were put here to display the glory of His kingdom in the earth…He has designed you to influence PEOPLE and SYSTEMS for His glory…” – by @michellemcclain52 in The Esther Anointing.  Therefore, not one tear of pain is ever wasted.   It’s about #Purpose #Destiny

The Fullness of Time.

There comes a certain tipping point or threshold in your life when suddenly prayers and promises begin to manifest.  A certain season where everything coalesces and comes together quite suddenly.  All things start lining up quickly. Things begin to accelerate and take off expediently. What is this season called? — It’s called a Due Season (Gal 6:9).  Your due season will come in the Fullness of Time (Gal 4:4).  It happens when we have endured patiently, stayed in alignment and in wisdom, and positioned ourselves to receive.  The reality is that God already had the answer. He was waiting for us to become whole enough to receive it.  The question then becomes what are you doing NOW to develop and deepen yourself to receive the answer when it shows up?  #Fullness #whole #Time #InDueSeason

Remember, His timing is impeccable.  Trust it. In the meantime, the in between time, you have the opportunity to prepare, to deepen, to develop and and to grow.  Get Ready and Stay Ready!

Here is a little free gift for you here – http://www.tonikabreeden.com/download/get-out-of-that-dead-end-relationship-now-ch-1-3/ – the first three chapters of my book , Get out of that Dead-End Relationship NOW! In this book, I got caught up in a bad relationship because I was broken, emotional and wanted to be married badly. It was out of alignment and God’s timing because I was not healed from my divorce (but I thought I was).

Love,

Tonika

The Making of Royalty: Protocols of the Palace

The Making of Royalty: Protocols of the Palace

Protocol: the official procedure or system of rules governing affairs of state or diplomatic occasions

God has a protocol that he takes Queens (and Kings) through.  If you are a believer, you are an ambassador of Christ.  You have authority (Luke 10:19). We are daughters of the King and for my brothers reading this, you are Sons of the King.  As such, we must know the protocols necessary to function effectively in the palace of our God-ordained purpose.  Queen Esther is our model throughout this series as we carefully look at how she conducted herself throughout her journey and glean wisdom for ourselves in our own personal journeys.

First of all, it begins in your mind. There must be a transition in your mindset – a renewal, if you will, that has to take place for you to fully function and walk in your role authentically.

As a regent and ruler in the Kingdom of God, you have to deeply know who you are in Him and function from that perspective.  You must know who you are when:

  • Your authority is tested.
  • Your emotions are everywhere
  • You make a mistake
  • Things go wrong
  • You are under attack
  • All hell breaks loose
  • The counterfeits show up, i.e., when the man you thought you were going to marry suddenly breaks if off or you find out he was unfaithful; or if you are a man reading this,
  • The woman you thought was the one, turned out to be the exact opposite of what you thought she was and you found out she had a lot of profound issues…..

During these you must must have grab hold of is the promises of God AND His processes for unfolding them in our lives.  The Bible is replete with promises and His processes, but for today let’s just look at a few and how it looks actually walked out in life.  The promises and processes of God:

  1. Are Yes and Amen (2 Cor 1:20) God says yes, then puts us in process to prepare us. Often we try to circumvent and short-cut the process, but short cuts always wind up taking longer. Remember, Esther was in process for a year before she was even allowed in the presence of the King.
  2. He has begun a good work in you and will perform it (Phil 1:6) Let Him finish that healing process and allow the healing to seal. Cooperate with God as He is healing you. Remember, you don’t choose the method or the way or how He heals, orders and prepares you. Our job is to just say yes.  Queen Esther humbly surrendered to Haggai’s instructions for her preparation and received special favor.  She didn’t try to tell him how she wanted her beauty and preparation treatments.  She didn’t try to force or dictate or tell Him what she thought it should be because it was uncomfortable and inconvenient.  Look at her end result.  She received half the kingdom.
  3. Lay aside every weight that so easily besets us (Heb. 12:2). We can’t take the dead weight of dead-end relationships, old issues and old wounds to the palace of purpose. Queen Esther had to let go of the dead weight of the residue surrounded around being an orphan.  She had to let the dead weight of a spirit of abandonment go.  She had the wounds similar to those of us who have gone thru rejection, traumatic childhoods, and divorce.  Sometimes we get stuck because we have become so used to and addicted to that spirit, that energy, that same old familiar pain.  It is dead weight. Let it go.
  4. Possess your soul – your mind, your will and your emotions patiently (Luke 21:19) – Queen Esther had to be patient and endure for an entire year in strange palace full of mystique and intrigue. In a harem full of other women vying to be the Queen, she couldn’t afford to not be in full possession of her mind, will and emotions. Especially when it was time for her to think and strategize to save her people. She was not “in her feelings”.  People’s lives were on the line. What about you? Whose lives are depending upon you to remain poised under pressure?
  5. Stagger not at the promises of God (Romans 4:20) Abraham saw his impotence and Sarah’s barrenness and still believed that he would become a father. Even after heartbreaks, divorce, all kinds of bad situations, are you able to still believe and have hope?  Stumbling, stalling, staggering when the situation looks bad is not the protocol of the palace.    We must walk boldly to the throne when we need strength.   Queen Esther most certainly felt afraid when it was time for her to make her request before the King but she did it anyway saying “If I perish, I perish.”
  6. Cast your cares (1 Pet 5:7) But don’t cast away your PROMISES (Heb. 10:35) for there is recompense of GREAT reward. We tend to do the opposite. We keep our cares and cast away our confidence.  To operate in our authority requires a deep level of trust in God that we are able to truly cast the care while at the same time keep our confidence.  This is the protocol of Kings and Queens.  They are confident and strong in the Lord and they do not allow the anxieties and cares of the world to overtake them.

I encourage you to embrace these promises fully in order to rightly follow the protocol of your palace — the protocols of the promised land of where you are going — Own you voice, own the vision , own your God-given value requires that we fully embrace the promises and the process God takes us through to get there.

Ownership and occupancy of the palace means that we must know who we are and whose we are – this is not based on up and down feelings, but the word of God.  Grab HOLD of the promises. Every time you hide out, shrink back, get stuck in overthought, shame, embarrassment, what other people think, comparison, and competition, you lose territory to the enemy.  Every day you don’t do what you are supposed to do, you could be preventing someone’s prayers from being answered. Stagger Not!  Embrace the Protocol.  Embrace the Process!