What You Resist Persists – How To Let Go in “That” Situation

Hello Wonderful People!!…I know, I know… it’s been a while since I’ve posted… but felt the need to share this one nugget that has been really resonating with me here lately.

What you resist persists….

You know that one, particular situation in your life right now —

  • The “issue” in your current relationship…
  • What happened recently with your child(ren) or on the job…
  • Still struggling trying to find your way – your purpose
  • Your ministry or business struggles
  • The current events of tragedy, trauma and suffering that you may be going thru right now…
  • The loneliness of being without a partner when you have been used to the married life…
  • Single and still waiting for the Right One to appear…
  • Just ending a relationship, still thinking of him/her and secretly keeping an eye on his/her Instagram and Facebook pages…
  • Feeling guilty for reconnecting back with him/her and getting intimate  again just to be left hanging and not returning your calls, texts, acting weird, pulling away, etc.

And the list goes on…

 

No matter where you are right now, as long as you keep fixating on the situation – attempting to figure it out, force it, manipulate or control it, it will remain the same.  If you have your heart set on a certain, particular outcome on that situation and it appears that it is going the opposite direction, as long as you are emotionally and mentally attached to having it manifest in your way, the situation will persist.

What you resist, persists. When we let go, we allow God to flow.  Whenever we attach to a certain outcome and attempt to force our desires in a situation we do the following:

  • Invite a Spirit of Fear & Desperation
  • Invite the Spirit of Impatience & Haste
  • Repel Faith & Grace
  • Get into works of the flesh, pride & ego
  • Attempt to force an outcome according to preconceived notion/fantasy/little movie in our mind.
  • Create a bigger problem & bigger delay
  • Breeds rigidity to a certain way and blocks other creative solutions
  • Breeds insecurity.

Remember, every time fear and panic step in, faith and wisdom step out! This is a huge indicator and a red flag that you have gone too far in your thinking and emotions. When we fall back, chill and trust this creates the space for grace and for God to flow into the situation. When we get into force, figuring, and fixating we dam up the path with our own working and negativity.

When we trust God we are saying, “God, either way this situation goes I know that it is working together for my good according to Romans 8:28.”  Stand on that and believe it TODAY. I encourage you to FALL BACK (do not text him, do not be all worked up, do not run it your mind 85 times), CHILL & TRUST!

Prayer For You

(especially if you are in a tough situation — relationship or otherwise):

Lord, I release my rigidity.  Letting go allows you to flow in my situation.  I understand that by being resistant and fixating on (that person, situation or issue), I will keep the situation with me.   Today I intentionally chose to let go, chill & trust the process. Amen.

TALK2TONIKA CLARITY SESSIONS

Are You….

  • Seeking clarity in your relationship situation?
  • In pain, chaos & confusion?
  • Ready to end it but don’t know how?
  • Feeling in limbo, stuck and unclear in your life overall?

For a limited time, I’m opening up my calendar for 25 minute complimentary clarity coaching sessions for those who are very serious about moving forward in life and in their relationships.  If you are interested in having a complimentary session with me, click HERE to schedule your Talk2Tonika session today!

UPCOMING EVENTS

 

For those of you in the local Raleigh/Durham North Carolina USA area, join me on Sept 16th for the Faith Walkers Live Conference where I will be a facilitator.  The time has 6:30 am for those who want to actually exercise and go on a Faith Walk Duke University before the conference.  However, it is not mandatory, so don’t let that scare you!   Click here to register

Also, don’t forget – I will be in Charlotte, NC as a facilitator for the Heart & Sole Conference / Running on a Broken Heel on October 13-14 and I’d love to see you there. Click here to register!

STAY CONNECTED

 

Download the Periscope app on Google Play or Apple and follow me on Periscope @GetRealBeHealed to catch my live broadcast videos.  I share tons of information on emotional healing and relationships!!!

In Him

 

Tonika

 

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You Are Not Waiting on God.

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God Is Waiting on You.

Waiting…

Waiting for him to finally pop the question or get his act together so you can finally move forward…

Waiting for God to send #Bae or #Boo so that you can finally get married…

Waiting for another prophetic word of confirmation about your business or ministry…

Waiting for things to be “just so” and for ALL conditions to be perfect…

Waiting for certain, particular individuals to put their stamp of approval on your dream/calling/purpose…

Waiting on more money to come (but you can do a WordPress blog for FREE, you can load to YouTube for FREE, you can do a live broadcast on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Periscope for FREE, you can get a professional flyer on fiverr.com for $6, you can start writing the book for FREE now, you can create your own memes and quotes for FREE)..

But You Still Want to Wait.

The reality is you are not waiting on God or anyone else.  It’s you. God is waiting on you! And if you are waiting on God are you waiting the right way or are you waiting the wrong way?  How we wait determines the weight of glory that is to come!  Waiting on someone else (like #boo or #bae before pursuing purpose) = #wrong. Waiting for approval of others = wrong.  Waiting for a trumpet blast, 3 angelic visitations and 3 different prophetic words and all conditions to be perfect before you step out = wrong.  Praying, studying the Word of God and following that still small voice = right.  Choosing to believe in the Word you heard and taking action, even if small = right.  Learn any lessons, correct and move forward = right.

Check out my broadcasts on Periscope and Facebook live on this very topic.  Join me later this week on Wednesday and Thursday at 1PM EST I will be on Periscope I will be talking more about this!

Also Don’t forget – GetRealBeHealed Meet up This Saturday, February 25th @ 10am for those of you in the local Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina Area.  An opportunity to connect with me in person as we come together for such a time as this!  For serious like-minded women who are serious about letting go of dead-end situations and moving forward in purpose.   Click here for details and to RSVP.

In His Grace,

 

Tonika

When I Thought I Was God: The Danger of Fretting & Figuring

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Isaiah 30: 15-17

For this is what the master, the Lord the Holy One of Israel says: “If you repented and patiently waited for me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in me you would find strength, but you were unwilling…”( New English Translation)

God, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel: “Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.  Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me — The very thing you’ve been unwilling to do…” (The Message)

I have recited these scriptures over and over again, yet I still struggle to remain at rest on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others, but for the most part, it is no easy feat to calmly trust in God when everything seems to go wrong.  When mishaps, mistakes, and misunderstandings occur.  When there is not enough money to go around.  When it seems like I am all alone.  When people act funny towards me or get easily offended.  When the kids act up.

God clearly tells me these scriptures to repent or turn back to him and calmly trust Him.  Yet, I am still unwilling.  The main way my unwillingness to calmly trust in God is manifested by choosing to fret and figure in a situation instead of calmly waiting on God for revelation.

There is a difference between calmly going over a situation in your mind and going off the deep end trying to figure it out.  You know that you have crossed over into not trusting in God when the thinking turns into fretful figuring.  This is a manifestation of a silly effort to save myself when I try to figure out something that only God can give the answer for.

The last time I checked, Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. He did not fuss and fume to figure out anything.  The only time He sweated was at the Cross when he sweated blood in preparation to die for the sins of the world.  He told us plainly to not let our hearts be troubled and neither let it be afraid (John 14:27).  He told us to stop allowing ourselves to be agitated, distressed, fearful, cowardly and unsettled.  He told us to fret not ourselves.  He lives in us.  We are complete in Him who is the Head of all Principalities and Powers (Col 2:10).  In Him we live and move and have all of our being (Acts 17:28). If all of this is true, then why do we act the opposite? Why do we let agitated and anxious thoughts take over until they take root in our souls?

It is because we are carnal human beings.  The Self, The Ego, The Flesh naturally thinks that it is God, that it can figure out something, that it can control something that somehow or another it can solve something and get the credit without God.   We want to be IN CONTROL.  It irks us to no end when we are not “in the know”, when stuff happens that we didn’t expect, what stuff takes a turn that we didn’t anticipate and we are left struggling trying to gather ourselves.  When things like this happen, we decide to do all we can to anticipate, plan, prepare and be in control of our lives, but in spite of our best made plans and preparations, something inevitably goes awry.

When stuff like this happens it HURTS.  It feels bad.  We look bad.  What will other people think? The list goes on. We don’t want to hurt again.  We don’t want to go through that mess again. We don’t want to be embarrassed.  We have our pride.  We don’t like the shame.  So we figure. We fret.  We plan. We fuss.  We think and think and think some more.  We can turn a situation around in our heads a thousand different ways.  We say a quick prayer and think we are trusting in God.  But we are really trusting in ourselves. We think we can figure out all by ourselves.  Even though we would never dare verbalize it or admit it to ourselves, our actions show that we think we are smarter than God. God takes too long to do stuff.  We can do something now.  Although we have confessed Jesus as our Savior, He is not our Lord when we still have our small weak, selves sitting on the thrones of our hearts trying to run our personal worlds as if we were the Sovereign God.

In my head I know that I am not Sovereign, yet  in my day-to-day life,  I sure think I am!  I don’t have any control over my own heart beating.  I can’t control the automatic inhaling and exhaling of my lungs.   I can’t wake myself up in the morning from deep slumber. I could easily die in my sleep on any given night and not know it.  God, however, has control over all of this in my life.  He created me. He knows my thoughts and words before I think them.  He knows the past, present and future for me. Why do I think I am smart by trying to figure out something beyond my capacity?  Why do I worry, fret, fume, and figure?  It is because I think I am God.   I still wake up in the morning and act like I’m God when I attempt to control circumstances or run my life by figuring in the flesh instead of calmly trusting that the One Who made me in the first place will order my steps.

To me the most painful part of this awareness is the fact 1) it is sin and 2) the fruit of such behavior will eventually manifest in my life as the form of lack of peace and poise.  How can we attract unsaved people to God when we have no peace? Why would they want what we got? Peace is defined as the absence of all strife or fighting within or without.  It is also defined as the absence of agitation or discord. Fretting, figuring, trying to be in control is evidence of strife, agitation and discord from within.

The biggest blessing from the times where I have surrendered is the state of peace from within. It is worth its weight in Gold.  Nothing can compare to it.  Surrendering your will to God’s will in life situations bring peace.  Peace that passes your understanding.  It is ironic that the only way to come to this level, is a slow, long process of self death.  By the time you really surrender, you are to the point where you could care less, you just want peace.  When God is Sovereign, you have Peace.  When Self is Sovereign, you have Stress. When God is truly on the Throne, there is quietness in the soul.

I realize that I will not change overnight.  It would be very easy to actually start stressing about the fact that I am unable to trust God fully and that I am probably relying on myself most of the time. Ouch.  I cannot change myself by trying figure it out how to do it.  It is a work of the Holy Spirit from within.   Therefore I continue to read this scripture further and receive comfort in knowing that when we truly settle down and rely upon Him that he ….“ longs to be gracious to (us); therefore he will rise up to show you (us) compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him…”